Tuesday, March 31, 2009

April Fools Day


It's April Fools Day tomorrow and I have to confuss I am not much of a prankster (I would like to remind readers about what my brother did to my son's hair and how I was unable to think of retaliations). So I thought, what the heck, I might suck at this, but maybe, just maybe, I can pull it off this year. So here are a list of things I might plan on doing to my kids and husband tomorrow...

1. I could always do the "call your husband and tell him your pregnant" bit, but I have gained weight so I don't feel comfortable going that route.

2. I am going to fill Ben's shoes with Lego's', then when he steps in them will step on the Lego's (of course, then I will have to deal with his crying, so maybe not)

3. The classic Oreo's with toothpaste (Tyler LOVES Oreos, but he is alot better than me at pranks and he doesn't reserve it for 1 day, so I would be SOL for the rest of the year!)

4. I am going to email everyone I know and tell them that my birthday is actually April 1st and they need to send me money and presents (but if you are reading this and I sent you an email, just ignore this post, please).

5. Take a wet towel and get the toilet seat wet so that when someone sat on it they would think that they sat in potty (YET, I am, once again, potty training Emma, so it might not be a joke and the potty very well might be real.)

6. HA! Turn off the hot water so when somebody take a shower it will be cold (BUT considering I am the only one that might shower tomorrow, I don't' find that one to be very funny!)

7. Put scotch tape on the spout on the kitchen sink so when it is turn on the water will spray all over them (Funny for everyone, unless it is Audrey, who has a hair fetish and will FREAK OUT if her hair gets wet. So I would have to be very cautious with this one.)

8. I could text Tyler from an anonymous phone, during a business meeting, and entered the phone number from "Flirt: Gentleman's Club". Since he won't recognize the number, he will think it might be important, and excused himself from the meeting to return the call (This is my best plan, but Tyler doesn't have a cell phone, caller ID, and he works at a Cookie Store, never seem to have "business meetings")

Whatever, I suck at April's Fools day. I would say it is not in my blood, but my sisters and my mother are really good at this art. So, tomorrow will be a day of potty training Emma, girls lunch with the friends, and cleaning the house. Nothing spectacular, but hey, maybe I am just tricking you (if you know me well, you will believe me with the potty training comment ;)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Help Wanted

If there are any takers, just let me know...

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitivecamping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing
to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets andstuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life
if you play your cards right.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

TOP TEN: 9 to 5 jobs

I was talking to a friend today whose husband works "the usual", meaning 9 to 5. Can you imagine what it would be like to actually work a 9 to 5 job? Well here are my TOP 10 reasons why I do better working the 9 to 5 from home...

1. I would actually have to get up and dressed before my kids went to school
2. Who will beat the children if they mess up the house? If I am not home, they are not home.
3. Audrey's missing doll. She seems to misplace something a day and I am able to pull a Sherlock Holmes and locate that toy. Thanks heavens for my keen sense of solving mysteries.
4. Honestly, if Brittany Spears has another nervous breakdown, I am going to want to be on the couch watching that all go down. You never know, but I want to be there to support her.
5. Today I decided to curl my hair, with a curling iron. It took about 2 hours. Enough said.
6. Who would support my Diet Coke at Mavericks Everyday Movement to keep the company in business during this tough economic times?
7. Spilled Macaroni and Cheese all over the kitchen floor. Obviously it wouldn't get picked up if I had to work it would sit and get moldy on the floor. PHEW! Thank heavens I am here to clean up that mess.
8. I don't remember to do much, but I do remember to walk and get Ben off the bus stop (even when it interrupts my abrupt schedule) and always ask him how his day went or if I forget and he makes it all the way home, I am sure to give him a hug when he walks in the door.
9. Honestly, the kids have to go to bed by 8 so I could watch TV and that wouldn't happen unless I am on top of my game (meaning 10 hours of sleep, a few diet cokes, and some good daily neighborhood gossip and gripping).
10. Who needs high end clothes when we have high end diapers (I only buy Pampers).

All in all, I think I am a huge asset to working from home and in the home. Without me, who knows what would happen, at least from home I know I can ensure world peace between the siblings, conquer the battle of the bulge by going to the gym, and keeping the husband happy (I am not sure if I am really working on that one by being home, but it just needed to be thrown in somewhere ;)

The Case of the Missing Little People's Airplane

For the past week I have been trying to find Emma's Little People's Airpline. I have looked high and low and it is NOT to be found. Finally I ask Emma and it goes like this...

"Emma, where is your airplane"

"Mikie took it"

"Mikie didn't take your airplane"

"Mikie took it. Call Oma"

I go and get the phone.

"Oma not home"

and she wasn't.

Then I thought how it could be possible that my 7 year old brother came and took Emma's airplane and my mom knew about it? I always fall for what she says.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

DONT ASK, It's Not Contagious, It's Just a Rash

Is that fifth disease? Roseola? Impetigo? Chicken Pox? Hives? Hands, Foot, Mouth? No, ladies and gentleman, it's just a viral rash. Audrey came home from gymnastics covered, in what I thought, hives. After two days of doctors visits, hours on the internet and tons of suggestions (can I just add that EVERYONE has their take on what this was), it's just a rash, an unexplainable rash. So she wore a sign that said "Don't Ask. It's Not Contagious, It's Just a Rash". My favorite had to be Jenna and Erika who said she looked like Strawberry Shortcake, thanks for humoring my daughter!


Multi-tasking

Motherhood is busy and the only sane aspect of my life is multi-tasking EVERYTHING. For me, this is a matter of survival. Stay-at-home mom eating bon bons and watching soaps all day? No, that does not work for me; way, way too tame, not enough adrenaline in that job profile. For me, I am more sane when I am doing a million things at once.


I would like to share some of top favorites:


1. Finishing my Master's Thesis while delivering Audrey


2. Going to the bathroom while fixing the bathroom rug


3. Talking on the phone, nursing Emma, and pouring a cup of milk for Ben


4. Singing nighttime lullabies to Emma while reading Twilight.


5. On the phone, snack distributing, CD changing, argument quelling, sign-eyeballing while driving to grandma's.


6. Why just clean the house when you can organize it at the same time?


7. I seem to take a shower and clean the shower at the same time.


8. Right now I am blogging and making a quesadilla for the kids. Of course, I do burn everything, but then I can add that on my list of things I did at once ;)



My Mantra:
When the going get toughs, the tough does the laundry
while cooking dinner, finishing homework and paying the bills.

We moms are famous for our ability to get six things accomplished simultaneously, all while creating world peace (or at least a temporary truce among fighting siblings). It's like the super powers go hand in hand with stretch marks. I was talking to Jenna and she was telling Gabe that the most amazing superhero is Superman because he can do everything, well... when I wake up in the morning this is what I see in the mirror... Totally Hot ;)



Monday, March 16, 2009

PRICELESS

4 VERY poopy diapers
3 trips to the doctor
2 stomach aches
1 can of Diet Coke
Putting the kids to bed at 5:30... PRICELESS

Monday, March 9, 2009

What happens when I go to the bathroom....
















Our Snowman

I did it. I made a snowman. Many of you might remember the snowman incident of 2007 when I tried to make a snowman out of snow that wasn't snowman worthy. It looked like a melted snowman and I posted pictures, but don't worry, this year was great snow rolling snow and I was able to make a snowman with Audrey and Emma. Audrey has been wanting to make a snowman for the past snow season and I finally just gave in and did it.... here you go:



Emma decided she didn't like the snow in her shoes, so she took them off and then decided she didn't like her feet cold, so she put them back on... it was an ongoing off going process....
Audrey is SO proud of me for making a snowman, and look how TALL it is!! See in the background how I ROLLED the snowball. I have SO much more respect for Calvin and Hobbes now!


And there he is, until Ben came home from school and kicked him down.