Monday, October 26, 2009

Arrest Me Please!

As a wife of a police officer, I must admit that I commit a few parental misdemeanors. I also immerse myself daily in the confessions of these acts to others -- so I can keep things in perspective and don't feel so alone, guilty or crazy for my missteps. But I think after 7 years of being a mom, it is official. I have and will continue to commit the crimes of all mothers and in return my kids will think of my acts as a “mother”. Now stick with me, while I give the top 10 reasons I should be arrested for my behavior!

1. Yesterday, I was tired and I threw in all the kids’ clothes in the laundry. Red, Yellow, White, whatever they needed to be cleaned. AND REALLY, does the washing machine ever stop running and is it bad that I dance to the rhythm of the wash cycle?

2. I then counted the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. Wouldn’t want Emma to get only 14 sprinkles instead of the 20. Seriously, that is a misdemeanor in itself.

3. We wore our Halloween costumes (which, by the way, are all white. Who does that!) and I found myself yelling “NOT in your white clothes” while they were playing. I then spray and washed the death out of them when we got home. Hello, they are costumes.

4. I found myself hiding in the bathroom to be alone (Why don’t they install more locks on doors in other rooms of the house these days?)

5. Honestly, I hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one my kids are eating (do you think Ranch dressing would count? For some reason I think it should).

6. I can remove chewing gum from just about anything. Really, anything.

7. I was walking in the kitchen and my feet stick to the kitchen floor, and I don't care. Then I start to wonder why I am the only one that will clean that up when I KNOW 4 other feet have passed this same spot.

8. I get more excited about my new toilet seat that I bought (it is the cushy one that grandmas have) than getting new jewelry.

9. I have clung to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but boys will be boys and Ben can make a weapon out of anything. Once he chewed his toast into the shape of a gun. With Tyler being a police officer, that high ground went out the door. Whatever.

10. Finally, I have found that I feel incomplete when I go out without my children.

I think overall, I raise my children to be independent, but secretly want them to always come back to me. Is that really a crime?