Sunday, February 27, 2011

Manic Monday Blog Hop

Super Easy Manic Monday Blog Hop.... Here are the rules

Follow the Host "Confessions of a 30ish Overworked and Underpaid Oppressed Housewife"
and follow "Retail Be Gone"
Then hop around and follow other bloggers to follow.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sometimes You Just Need To Bust a Move

This here's a jam for all the fellas
Tryin to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down cause ya over-zealous
Play hard to get females get jealous
Okay smarty go to a party
Girls are scantily clad and showin body
A chich walks by you wish you could sex her
But you're standing on the wall like you was Poindexter
Next days function high class luncheon
Food they're serving, you're stone-cold munchin
Music comes on people start to dance
But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants
A girl starts walking guys start gawking
Sits down next to you and starts talking
Says she wants to dance cause she likes to groove
So come on fatso and just bust a move

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Suit Shopping Is NOT fun!


I love to shop. Sometimes when I am having a rough day, I can get in the car and just go to Smith's Market Place and walk around. I don't even have to buy anything, maybe a Diet Coke (HELLO!), to feel satisfied with my shopping experience. On a daily basis I usually go to J. Crew or Children's Place and fill my cart with things that I will never buy. My friend Julie was just saying yesterday that I go to the store like everyday, but the big secret is that I might go to the store, but I don't always shop at the store. I like to look around, walk around, smell the flowers, the perfume, touch the clothes, dab at the cosmetics.... just the thrill of shopping.... my emotional fix. I thought I could spend time in any store and be happy, until today when I went with Tyler to the Men's Wearhouse.

What a horrible place this Men's Wearhouse. It is a suit store and it just isn't fun. They have giant sale signs, which I normally love to read and appreciate, but the sales are not all that amazing and the labels read between $299 and $499... SERIOUSLY?? Then when they pull out these suits, they all look the same... pin striped, blue, grey.... It is just not fun. Where are the hot blondes that usually model these suits?! I can tell you, not at the Men's Wearhouse.

Plus, where is he going to wear this suit?? Suits are for BORING and NO FUN events... funerals, court dates, church. Not really a sexy and excited way to spend the day shopping. So we went to this suit store and I felt no rush, no thrill, no emotional connection... and I left feeling a void, an emptiness that I have never encountered when shopping... even though I spent well over $500, which should normally wet my appetite. I never got the "transported" feeling that I get when I walk into a Target, Nordstroms or Macy's.

I hate to admit this, but if all men have to experience this suit shopping experience at a young age it might explain the Men hate Shopping phenomenon that is so relevant in our culture. We all have experience shopping with our better half... We laugh at the Women are from Nordstroms, Men are from Sears. We glide up the escalators, humming the familiar tunes played on the grand paino... but what if we only were able to experience the Suit Store?!

I hate to admit this, but it all makes sense, this shopping on a mission philosophy. I walked in and just wanted to grab something and walk out. They had no sounds of laughing women, no perfume counters, no music. I started to think like a man and was excited about the close parking space, that all the color of suits were in stock and that the length of the checkout line was minimal to none. Gone were my days of investing in my shopping experience. I had no emotional attachment to the idea of buying a $250 product, with the second item being only $100. My thoughts kept going back to the idea that these suits would be worn only because society has deemed it social acceptable for him to buy expensive suits and only wear them a couple times a month. All I wanted to do is buy it and leave so I could do something else, anything else. This was no Manolo Blahnik Sex in the City experience.

All in all, today was a shopping bust... a disaster of the highest magnitude... something less satisfying than chicken noodle soup on a cold winter day. Please bless that I don't have to repeat this. I have to go, Costco is calling my name.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

I Love a Good Deal on Kids Clothes


Why buy new clothes for kids, when you can swap 'em for a fraction of the price? Sign up for Free today! They'll even send you free boxes for sending in your gently used kids and maternity clothing!

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Monday, February 21, 2011

New Favorite Deals For Mom Site!

Fighting Ignorance in Retail since 2002 (taking longer than I thought)

So what do we do here? Well, it’s simple. Every day we provide tips that will save you money, increase your productivity in the house, AND simply keep you sane without cutting coupons (OK, so you might have to print and cut them).



Friday, February 18, 2011

Freaking Lego Genius

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am the Freaking BIGGEST Lego Genius of all Time. Yes, I am. Chalk it up there with all my other creative identities and I might just be the Worlds Greatest Mom, as well. Let me give you a bit of a background, I do a bit of freelance writing and am writing a book for a sales floor on how to teach kids to budget their money. As this is one of my biggest downfalls in my life, I have to write and implement the program at the same time... best to learn through trial and error if I do say so myself.

So the first order of business is allowance and teaching my son how to save his money. He is a spender, much like his mom and dad and aunties and uncles and grandparents... the list is long, but I am set on breaking that chain of command. A wonderful friend taught me that in order for kids to save money they have to have a goal... a realistic goal that will require savings and patients. Here is my plan. When my kids reach $100 I will double it to $200. When they then reach $500 I will add another $100. When they make it to 1000 I will add another hundred...My friend double it at $100, $500, and $1000, but my husband is a cop and I am a mommy blogging teacher so that would kill our budget and place us in financial ruin.

Ben worked during the Christmas Break and made $60... THEN we do the allowance of $1 per age a week and since December he is up to $75... $25 to go. His friends are all into the Lego Ninjagos... and if you know Lego's they like to capitalize on making there old products new with a new name so kids will spend money on something they already have at home... His Christmas consisted of the Mega-blocks (not to be confused with the Lego Brand) of Halo and so now that the new trend has shifted to Ninjagos... he wants to spend all his money in one shot, without saving anything, on getting these guys.

Being the now savvy shopper that I am (Did I mention my husband cut off all fund for the month of February??) I told him... Ben, you already have all the legos that are in these boxes... we just need to make the characters. So I grabbed the two cans of spray paint that I have -- red and black -- see Tyler IT IS important to keep cans of spray paint at all times -- and started to put together my own version of these Damn Ninjagos. Ladies and Gents... While my hands are now red and black for the next week I present the Cluff version of Ninjagos... Hold the applause until the end of the show, please...

Here are the ACTUAL Lego Versions of theRed Ninjagos..And here is mine... I am going to have to get a black permanent marker though to make the markings of the ninja.



And here are the Blue and Black Ninjagos... Since I have a coupon at Smith's Market Place I think I am going to run and get some Blue Spray Paint later today.
And here is my version of the black one. Sorry cheap camera makes it hard to focus... But I just sprayed painted the entire thing black...




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Monday, February 14, 2011

How Mom's Bring LOVE to their Kids


A Mother loves right from the start. She holds her baby close to her heart.
The bond that grows will never fail
So I am going to HAIL the complex lessons we teach out of LOVE...

You will teach them how to pray, no sweat, with phrases like
"you better pray this comes out of the carpet".

Logic and reason will be taught this day,
"because I told you so" defines this lesson and something we all say.

Teaching them foresight is a what you meant with,
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"

For some simple love lessons on Irony might be a tricky bit, but with the
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about" can be said in a split.

Is it raining, snowing, sunny teaching the weather can be a trick,
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it" but out of love we do this quick.

While the Lion King might sing about this family route,
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out" will teach our kids this what the Circle of Life is really about.

Your kids will NEVER ask about their roots,
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" isn't something they can dispute.

Whether you are driving in a car or at a friends house, teaching anticipation, "Just wait until we get home", will build a better relation.

One of the most important lessons of love will always remain
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand." -- as wisdom and knowledge go hand in hand.


On Valentine's Day us Mom's think of those Who make our lives worthwhile,
Those gracious, friendly children who we think of and can only smile.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Book of Life

To quote “You’ve Got Mail”, sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?

I do lead a small and simple life. I have three kids, a house, a dog, and a husband. Pretty basic, but as opposed to the above statement, most of my life reminds me of something that should either should be a book or turned into a lifetime movie special. Check out the similarities.
Now, what makes a good book. It is the job of the writer to draw in the attention of the reader through some sort of emotional connection. The reader should be anxious to turn the next page, or in my life live the next day.This is how I wake up every morning... always wondering what the day is going to bring and how I am going to deal with it. Here is a list of my life as a book
.
Well-developed characters:

Husband: He is patient annoying and frustrating, but that is okay because I love him that way.

Ben - I would like to say that in my pre-kids days I envisioned myself like Marmee in Little Women: the wise, loving lead of a feminine brood. This came to a shocking hault with my first born. I was scared silly about the task at hand; I imagined wildness, loudness, adoration of trucks, and risk-taking behavior that would end in visits to the ER. I knew in my heart that boys were surely the tougher gender to raise, but 9 years later. While it is true he is all boy, he is also a momma’s boy and I love every moment of it.

Audrey – And the opposite of all boy is Audrey. She is sweet simple and sassy. She is all pink.

Emma- She is the daredevil and mini-genius.

Action: A good fiction book needs to be filled with action.
We got action, serious? Yesterday, Audrey walked into the laundry room to find a mouse. All the girls screamed and jumped on the counter while Ben jumped up to grab a broom. We have stair falling, dead invisible men, and a house full of chaos and terror.

Great Plot: The writer keeps the reader guessing right to the end by using surprising, realistic plot twists. Just when we think we know “who did it" – bam – a new twist creeps up and a story involves more.

So I put the girls in the bath yesterday. Simple process, I went and finished making the beds and picking up the rooms. Took the kids up, lathered them in lotion and then Emma started to scream. My 4 year old had decided she was going to shave her arm pits, stomach, legs, and arms… great combination with the lotion. She still has razor burn.

Possible Titles??

Curse you Lysol why do you look like my Hairspray!?
Amen to the ceremonial execution of the striped pregnancy shirt
HA! There is a button in the sidebar that says "Click Like if you Like Being a Mom"... what to do what to do. First thought, hesitation.
Need Back up!! Diet Coke WHERE ARE YOU??
Overall, my life isn’t fiction so I plan on sticking this out past the end or happily ever after.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Case of the Invisible Man


It was three o clock in the afternoon and the sun was shining through the window on this calm Saturday. Outside looked freezing and I watched the trees slightly billowing in the breeze. In an instant, a cold wind came whistling down the hill and slightly shook the 21st century style, two story house. In the tastefully furnished ground floor kitchen the two eldest children were pleasantly heard laughing in the next room enjoying a relaxing game of Monopoly.

Then a scream shattered the tranqulity as Emma, 4 years of age, came running into the kitchen with the look of death plastered across her face. I knew somebody had died... could it be murdered on the orient? No, we were in the North West, not the East. Phew!

"Mom, my best friend, the invisible man is dead. He was eaten by a werewolf and his heart has stopped beeping!" she tells me as giant tears swell up her eyes, "He was so nice and I really liked him."

"I am so sorry, Emma" pulling my best motherly symatheic voice, "what shall we do now?"

"Well," she says looking at me with those BIG blue eyes presenting a sense of hope for the loss of her dear friend, "I think we should have a funeral for him and maybe invite his family".

I agree with her, as the death of the invisible man is in the same category as a Shakespearean tragedy in this household. I tell her "lets get started".

She then looks at me with confusion and explains, "well how are we going to find him? His heart isn't going to beep and let us know where he is and he is an INVISIBLE man".

And with that, the mystery of the invisible man will never be solved as we cannot seem to locate his exact whereabouts.

RIP - Invisible Man -Wherever you May be!


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Friday, February 4, 2011

Favorite Friday


Such is the Life of a Sex Goddess...

So I thought about it and I really do live the life of a sex goddess who at any point in time can up and travel to see the wonders of the world, right from the comforts of my home. HOW? Just keep reading.

  1. So you wish to see the Changing of the Guards in England? Who needs that when I have the changing of the sheets. Between the bed wetting and the throw up, heck this could be a daily occurrence. Feel free to stop by anytime for this magnificent encounter.
  2. Niagara Falls? See the waterfall every 30 minutes with Emma during her potty training time. Heck, it happens in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom. And for a twist... you never know when or where it will happen.
  3. Imagine going to FAO in New York? OR you could come on down and see all the toys in our basement. Heck, we probably have a section for everything.
  4. Travel to see the Great Barrier Reef? or you can see the great barrier of jackets that lay in my entry way. Much cheaper. They might claim to have 10,000 different species, but I claim to have at least 10,000 different shoes, Pokemon cards, gloves, hats, and other unidentifiable objects.
  5. The Golden Temple is a hot spot, but I have 3 porcelain gods that have been graciously used by my daughter who is learning to transition from the pink portable toilet in the living room to these precious beings. Even my other kids are appreciating this site more.
  6. VIVA LAS VEGAS, BABY or chance your luck at my house with my three kids. I am always playing a game of Russian Roulette when I forget my birth control and watch as my kids gamble away their existence by refusing to do many activities such as their daily chores, back talking, and the ever popular potty training.
  7. Who needs the Taj Mahal when I have the Cluff Casa. It may not have a hybrid of artistic style and a river running along the side, but its home, its decorated and we have deer, dang it.
  8. AHH, the great pyramids. This is an ever popular attraction at our house, even a hot topic of discussion with my husband. Feel free to see the "Great Pile of Laundry" that is sitting in the laundry room and now has trickled out into the hall. At this point, hiking tours are available and a necessity for those living in this area.
  9. Hike Yosemite? Or Hike up and down the stairs trying to clean the house (make it even more of a challenge and bring your own vacuum)... we even have a basement so that is 3 rough trials for your hiking eadventure. Watch out for the wildlife, our cat and the falling rocks (or Star Wars characters, my little ponies, etc.), they get me on a constant basis and beware of the "loud language" that might fall at anytime. While you are at it hike all the way up the stairs and bring those toys right up to the rooms!
  10. The warm close beaches of Hawaii would be nice. Yet, I find the same warmth and even more closeness in all my kids smooching into my bed in the middle of the night (though it isn't as relaxing on the body as laying on the beach) each coming in at individual times so I can consistently get a limited amount of sleep. You can expect great hospitality with a foot or hand constantly in your face and a volcano of sulfur on nights we eat beans for dinner.
  11. Imagine seeing the Eiffel Tower in person!!! Even better, I have a lovely Diaper Tower that is now open for your viewing pleasure or at least until Thursday which is trash day. Same thing, but maybe a bit more stinky.

I guess I can't complain of not being able to vacation when I seem to be doing it on a daily basis.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I am Your Wife, Not a Criminal...


When I was 18 I started a quote book and wrote down every quote that I liked for the past 10 + years. On one of the first pages is a quote that says "You will never see your wife smile more pretty than she does for a traffic cop". While that may hold true in most marriages, mine it just won't work. We had been married for 9 years before Tyler decided he wanted to go back to his original plan when we first fell in love and become a police officer... which is great for me. I was raised to do what you want to do... Kinda like the Talladega Nights mentality of "I'm a winner and winners can do what they want"... well I guess exactly like that. So he became an officer and our arguments and activities have changed a tad bit since that happened (not like crazy hang cuff sex activities though, just the interrogations in our relationship).

I learned quickly though that being married to a cop isn't like somebody who is married to a 9 to 5 er. While you might have heard this before, being a cop is a lifestyle and something that is the family. I read once that police officers at home feel they, "must uphold professional demeanor and stifle feelings of anxiety, anger and frustration, a technique that often trickles into his off-duty personality.... he may shut down certain lines of communication." Now the stifle feelings and shut down lines of communications was something I signed up for when we got married. Hello, I thought that was the actual definition of my husband. I don't mind the late nights, sleeping alone or the missed holidays (actually I like my independence), it is the professional demeanor and commanding attitude that pisses me off. Police Officers demand respect making our arguments more of a challenge than a misunderstanding... I am not sure who the challenge is up for though: him or me??

Some might say I have a bit of a demanding, controlling, and dominating personality (I know, strange, but it has been said) but I am SO not one for being interrogated on what I am doing and why I am doing it. Not really going to fly in this household. So here you go honey. A few tips to help you maintain a more positive relationship off duty.

1- I will spend money and I will do it without telling you where why or when it is going to get done. I have handled the finances for the past 11 years... Just because criminals steal money, doesn't mean stealing is using the debit card at Maverick for a Diet Coke. Sometimes money does appear and disappear out of nowhere and I will spend it on frivolous artifacts.

2 - I lose my cell phone. It just disappears. POOF! On Sunday when I lost the phone and had everyone in a 15 minute panic until it was found IS the norm. If I don't answer the phone right away when you call... it is going to be okay. I am alive and well, but lost my phone. There is not need to call back and ask where I was and why I didn't answer the first time you called.

3- When I argue I am not going to have a solid point of why I am arguing. I am upset and that is it. I will take my emotions and thoughts back about 8 years or so and that is okay. We don't need to just focus on the one thing that tipped the scale of why I am crying. While it might work for you to be direct and calm with a bit of a smirk on your face with criminals... it will just make me more angry and more apt to losing all sense of control. I do not have a right to remain silent AND you cannot use everything that I say against me. We run a dictatorship, not a democracy. Plus, most of the time I don't even remember what I am saying.

4 - Something that has to be understood is that I am always right, but, in this regard, I need to be right in the sense that you really believe that I am right. While you may be right at work, that is fine because you have been given your time to be right during your work schedule. When you come home, I command the house. Yes, even police officers have to do the dishes and take out the trash. And while it is believed there is a ticket quote for officers, there is not quote on household duties that you will perform. And it is not considered community service when you pick up trash.

5 - This might come as a surprise, but communication is a two way street. You can't just ask a question and get a direct answer from me. Mostly because I don't really have one and need to run my mouth until I figure out what my actual point is. I am scatter brained and have ADHD, but remember that is one of the reasons why you fell in love with me and married me. Nothing will ever be black and white in this relationship, hopefully mostly pink. Saying things like "Fair? You want me to be fair?"
doesn't gain you bedroom points.

SO I guess I am not the typical "cop" wife... which is a good thing, I think. Most people don't give an officer a run for there money though.

"It takes a strong wife to support her husband throughout his life... but it takes a STRONG Wife to support her husband while he protects the lives of others!
"

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