I heard it through the Grapevine... Singing Optional!

Ever since I was in High School I remember having a bit of a feminist side. While we did celebrate every third Thursday of the month as Men are Scum Days (My poor father), I hope over the years I have toned down on the way I handle my thoughts in that respect. I do remember that my father in law told my husband when we were first married “You are going to have to keep her under control” were as my husband replied “I don’t think that is possible”.

But, overall, I do think with all my strange antics and ideas towards men and women in my younger days, the most important aspect is that women hold the power, especially mothers. Honestly, we moms are the ones that buy the products, handle the money, etc and my mom always said that what women do best they do “through the grapevine” But really this whole “heard it through the grapevine” is something that women do to share or “be sure” that the information isn’t, well crap. The biggest example of this is all the Mommy Bloggers and Freebie sites that you can Google.

So today, mothers, women, etc. I am sharing some of my secret information with you that I am sure I have gotten through the grapevine from one or another. I guess it is my way of connecting with people while I am doing laundry much like the women who would talk over hanging their laundry outside.

First, Method Spray. LOVE IT! My BFF, Jenna, told me about this brand called Method that you get at Target. It smells heavenly and makes my granite countertop shine like the top of the Chrysler building (thank you,Annie!). AND even better it is something natural so I think that means if the kids spray it in there eyes we don’t have to run them to the ER?! I was actually talking to Leah yesterday, http://freutcake.com (another must visit), about this spray. They even have this pink one that smells like grapefruit and one for the horrible stainless steel (which they might not get stains, but why don’t fingerprints count in that category?). Plus anything pink that sprays totally will rock my mommy world.

Next, my favorite thing in the world has to be the Dyson. I know, it is such an old school product, but I just got one for Christmas and my mind races about the countless things it can do around the house. So far, I have cleaned the entire downstairs without changing plugs, vacuumed the dog hair AND the dog. I can’t wait for the weather to heat up (yes, lets make it above the 30’s) so I can vacuum out the car. Imagine all the French fries, happy meal toys, and other wonders that will disappear! I bought the yellow one, mainly because my brother in law, Noah, said they are all the same accept for the different attachments. I need the workout, so I opted OUT for the attachments. I hate to say it, but I really hadn't lived until I got this 2 weeks ago. So if you don’t have, get it. Remember, this is my birthday month so it is OK to treat yourself! Actually I found the best time to get one for super cheap is during black Friday… so I guess you can wait, but start saving now! I got mine for $230.00 at Target, or so I think.

Have you been to Tulle4us.com? AMAZING! This jacket is on sale now for only $40!I am usually pretty intimidated by these trendy stores that are SUPER expensive…and NO DOUBT this is one of those stores. It is like a little boutique you would just go in and window shop, but they have the MOST AMAZING sales. I got a white winter jacket there for $20 at the end of the season. So while the shop may seen, well a bit expensive, go straight to the sales section, do not stop at go do not collection $100, and sign up for the emails. This is where I get the sales. At the end of winter, they put almost everything on sale for about $5… can’t beat that at any hometown boutique! It like a Jackie O outfit on a Walmart Budget (I would like to ad that in no way do I condone shopping at Walmart, just go to Target or the Dollar Store, it is always too crowded)!

My final favorite grapevine advice is to go to DealstoMeals.com.

My cousin Tiffany who is an amazing saver told me about this and the best part is that you can price match EVERYTHING at Walmart (though I don't like Walmart and don't do that, you totally can). This site is the bomb shiggity bomb of saving money and feeding the family gourmet meals. It is $4.95 a month and these ladies give you a complete menu for your family, what to eat and do it based on sale items in your area. They shop the ads, they compare the prices, and then they design both a weekly grocery list and a really good meals from what is on sale. While I can say I was an avid coupon shopper like 2 years ago, that lasted about 5 minutes. Let’s face it. I am a neat freak that hates to have a mess and things in the house that don’t have a spot. I tried to cut the coupons and save the newspapers and you know what it brought me? A HUGE HEADACHE! The papers ended up in a box, the coupons where all over the house and by the time I was able to go to the grocery store, it wasn’t worth it. Time is Money to me and my coupon shopping doesn’t pay me enough to do. On that note, I found this site, don’t have to use coupons, shop the ads and it is just a few simple click and print.

So there you have it, use it wisely and as Yoda would say “May the Force Be With You”. Got any other ones for me?

What I know for sure about 2011 and my New Years Resolutions

The New Year is like a rebirth for us mothers… a time when we can reflect on our mistakes throughout the past 12 months and vow to become a new mom, a super mom, in the next few days. We put together a list of mental and physical activities with great detail confessing our top sins and plans to over come them. But, by March, the battle of new mom versus old mom is lost, we feel like a bunch of losers for, once again, not being able to keep a promise.

One might ask, WHY?! Why do we always fail in our quests for rebirthing a new year and becoming the moms we see in the neighborhood? We’ll it is because we overestimate ourselves and wish to resolve the wrong issues. Let’s face it, we have eaten our way through 2010 and it isn’t just going to just magically stop because we stay up past midnight. While it would be nice to be one of “those moms” who has quiet authority over her children it is just not something realistic with my lifestyle.

Plus it is a total drag to give up bad habits that took a good year to install! So, I suggest, let’s give ourselves a break. Life is tough, the economy is bad (we are in a freaking recession!) and setting myself up for failure should not be in the daily routine of 2011. This years resolutions have to set us up for success and the most successful resolutions are those that are SUPER vague, something that we will be doing anyways, and something that we really really want to do (no, sorry, we really don’t want to get up at 5 am and do P90X).

While you are brainstorming your ideas here are a few of mine. Wish me luck…

1. To stop asking stupid questions like “Did you flush the toilet” or “Did you unload the dishes” or “How many times do I have to tell you”? Instead I am going to command attention from my children “FLUSH THE TOILET”! “UNLOAD THE DISHES” “I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE”. While they might just laugh, at least I can say I did it.
2. To keep a stash of Diet Coke in the pantry hidden from my husband and children for emergency anti-stress applications. Though I am now calling the local 7-11 my “mommy cave”.
3. To maintain a permanent chore chart list so Ben and Audrey don’t keep fighting about whose day it is to do the dishes or who needs to feed the dog. It will be SET in STONE until 2012.
4. To NEVER, EVER take my kids with me to the grocery store. Enough said.
5. I will spend less time yelling (this does come with a disclaimer... unless the situation demands a good yelling for example when the kids walk across the floor I just mopped). So it is LESS time yelling, not totally not yelling.
6. I resolve that my house will never be a house free of clutter, thus I resolve to ignore my husbands comments that the house is a always a mess.
7. Stop screaming “What? What did you say?” when my kids are suppose to be in bed, but trying to find a way to maintain constant communication with me.
8. Stop asking, “Why is every light in this house turned on?” and instead charging them for the electricity.
9. Superglue the gloves to my son’s hands so they actually make it to school and home, in the same day.
10. Finally, I will exercise patience and control my temper when I meet dumb people (especially fat men at Maverick who hit my car door and then try to blame me for what happened. Only to cause me to escalate into a roaring fit, call my husband, and explain to the police officer why I hate dealing with fat, egotistical men).

We’ll there you have it, resolutions I can live with and actually have a good feeling about. Maybe I should of added work on procrastination because it is the 2^nd and I am just making my list… but then again New Years was on a Saturday and we should ALWAYS start things on a Monday. Heck, I might just resolve these all in January and have to add the get my kids a pet resolution....

Twas the Night Before the Night Before Christmas...

Twas the night before the night before Christmas and all through the houses mother were shopping online for the perfect gift blouse… Well maybe not a blouse, but it did rhyme!

I have to say it this year, “Bah Humbug”. I am starting to wonder if maybe Mr. Scrooge had it right. Now ordinarily I LOVE LOVE Christmas. I get so excited when the day after Thanksgiving I can walk into any store and hear “those sleigh bells ringing”. I print out my Christmas List early so everything is done and prep the kids on how to smile in pictures and what to say when the in-laws start to hand out the red reindeer sweaters. Every house we pass that has a Christmas Lights a blazing, my kids and I ooh and ahh!

Then it hit, a couple of weeks ago, it was all fun and games as I woke up early to head out for the last minute Black Friday sales. Then the calendar started to fill up with seasons greetings, Christmas parties, Christmas sings, dance recitals, husband work party and the snow started falling (literally, we are in Utah). And seriously how can any parent stay sane at this point with a 2 hour dance Christmas Grinch dance performance?

It isn’t that my standards are set super high for this holiday (though my husband just texted me and asked if I was going to cry because he only got me one present). I know I will never have the perfect Martha Stewart tree and the stockings all hung on the mantle with care. But the pressure is ON, like donkey kong, to make this the “happiest place on earth” in my house on the 25^th. You see my kids know Disneyland, oh they know it well, and that is some high expectations. I blame the television and all the ads that blast daily in our house for setting the limit as unreachable. My four year old asks for a different toy everyday and most of the time I have no idea what she is talking about (what the heck are Zoobles??).

Year after year, I have to remind myself that it really isn’t all the stuff and the parties and my high strive for excellence that counts. Ben still talks about how every year we go and see the lights at Thanksgiving Point and going to my parents house for the annual Christmas Eve gift exchange. Audrey loves it that we open pj’s the night before. And Emma, well, she has no idea what is going on, but mark my words she will remember something non materialistic!

Now to all those last minute shoppers, I had forgotten that doing isn’t as important as savoring the memories. So it is December 23^rd… I might still have time to save the holiday (heck, scrooge did!). Time for me to do less, rein in on the reindeer's, reduce my stress and with that my kids and husband will actually be able to see a more relaxed and calm Mom. Maybe the media does have it right, that would be “the most happiest place on earth” for my family.

The Annual Family Newsletter of 2010

My wonderful Christmas Miracles. Merry Christmas!

Dear Friends and Families

Merry Christmas! We pretty much had the perfect 2010 and I so can’t wait to share everything that added to this perfection over the past year! Super excited about 2011!

First, Emma started preschool and I must confess that her preschool teacher has expressed how academically advanced she is. It seems she is an overachiever who constantly listens so well to whatever her teacher has to say (especially when the teacher shouts up to her father “get down here now and handle this!). I must confess though, she might be a bit biased. She rocks in subjects like Counts to Ten, Holds Scissors Correctly, and Gallops. I'm telling you, this girl is going places! Tyler and I must be the most BRILLANT parents cause how else would you explain that?!

Emma dabbled a bit in cheer, but after two classes decided her passion is in dance, the kind that lasts about 45 minutes instead of 2 hours, twice a week. During her dance performance, I was inspired how she moved in that manner and maintained such pristine composure. Some might think she had a little stage fright, but I know it was just her passion for the arts and her unique style of presentation. On that note, she is dedicated to making new friends and talking to anybody that is close. Just a few months ago she was talking to the Vietnamese family who lives across the street. They asked if she wanted some supreme pizza and she told them “No, I only eat normal food, cheese pizza”. Luckily they don’t speak English, but that still doesn’t stop her from sharing her views and opinions on everything making her quite eloquent in her speech. Recently, she had two adorable twins growing in her tummy… Zac and Kate and Good Luck Charlie. They are very hungry all the time and usually demand some sort of sweets. And I might add that they are NOT happy if they don’t get what they want. We all try to accommodate to these adorable twins!

Next, Audrey begun the 1^st grade. I hate to admit that her teacher (who is not as biased as Emma’s) said she was her favorite. But who can resist Audrey’s calm demeanor which MUST have come from the Bluth side genes. Cause if you have heard it once, you have heard it twice, that Bluth line is calm and stable. Thanks Mom for sending that perfection gene down the line! Audrey also has learned the art of utilizing her resources. A couple of months ago she asked for a makeup kit and I had to decline due to the makeup disaster of 2009. She then brought me the phone and calmly explains that she is going to call Aunt Beth, “she is a sucker for me.” This ideology must have come from Tyler’s side of the family.

Overall, Audrey likes to spend her days doing back hand springs. If she is not reading a book, you will find Audrey drawing… on the walls, the car, her sister. The greatest joy of this is that to Audrey the world really is her canvas… too bad her dad is having a hard time understanding her creative expression. Her art teacher has commented that she just sits and stares at Audrey when she is coloring. I wish I could do that because it would help with a lot of the cleanup I do (thank heavens for Magic Erasers!) I guess you can say Audrey is able to keep her art in meaningful and manageable places. How can we deny her that? I have always wondered if she was switched at birth because God could not have purposely given me such a good kid.

Ben has hit the third grade with avenges and is a bit of jokester, well at least he thinks he is. He is mostly stuck in the house with 3 other girls who don’t seem to understand or appreciate the sense of humor of a 8 year old boy. Call it crazy, but sometimes we don’t appreciate being shot by a fake gun when we turn the corner or being hit in the head by a flying football. But, he is perfect and allows us to simple remember the difference between the genders. And for that reason, we let him slide with the Legos on the floor and the toilet seat up. Mark Twain once wrote, "There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure” and lucky for me, most of his “boys will be boys” attitude means the house is staying very clean. Thanks Ben, the toilets are SPOTLESS! Ben also got baptized and is now putting his new outlook on life to use. He is understanding choice and accountability more now and really is learning life lessons on how to choose the right. Lucky for us, we get to put those principles in action quite a bit!

Along with his great attitude, Ben handled his 2^nd year of Football. I would like to add that I definitely can take account for his stealth ninja moves on the field. Overall, the saying is true. Boys do love their Mommies and life is never dull with this one in our house! He has recently decided it was time for him to start making money (SO the Roberts side) and has invested his time in planning and preparing a Lego Club over the holidays. This goes along with him trying to sell water balloons over the summer. Hey, he made $10 bucks doing that.Not only that, but he lost a tooth! The first in our house at age 8... way to make the big bucks Ben!

Speaking of Stealth Ninja moves, Tyler is doing great. Basically his life is like one big game of cops and robbers. If he isn’t at work, he is hanging out with me or the kids and we are usually in bed by 9 (I guess we partied to hard when we were first married and now are just pooped). He likes to think he is in charge of things and I let him think that way. Someday he might realize this, but I doubt it. I think the longer we are married the more we act alike. I said that is good news for him, but he says it is good news for me.We took a family trip to California which was wonderful, as always. No matter what they say spending 10 hours straight in a car with your spouse is such great quality time and one the list of priceless experiences.

Did I mentioned we moved? Then moved again?

As for me, I am great. Though I do sometimes feel like I am stuck in the night before Christmas poem that goes like this, “Twas the Night before Christmas and all through the house, not a person was listening, not even the spouse”. In my quest for being the ultimate entrepreneur I have decided to invest in the following ideas: an invisible fence around the bathroom, GPS for my phone, a Mischief Sniffer that will enable me to know when their kids begin to cause trouble, and a mommy reminder to not forget early outs at school. Overall, I am thankful for two things my family and Tivo for without both I might just have more sense of reality.

Well hopefully 2011 will be just as perfect as 2010. May your days be filled with the ability to watch cartoons on Saturday morning and dance around the house to the Spice Girls.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa – Here is my Christmas List

I hope you’ll be able to assist

You see, please bring them all,

My husband just couldn’t seem to find them at the mall.

I would like to have my own king size bed,

That includes a pillow for just my single head.

You see, dear Santa, it may seem,

My kids are unable to have a good dreams.

Without adding trouble I need this to include a full night’s sleep,

You must understand I know what I am asking for is pretty steep.

Also, I need to have a long, hot shower,

One that is not included in my families “rush hour”.

My showers, dear Santa, will have to envision

Includes residue from the table and my parent supervision.

With hands flaring around and kids kicking and screaming,

My shower time consists of much parental scheming.

Now I am not asking for magical unicorns, a wand or a clown,

The next thing I need is the disappearance of these unwanted pounds.

In that small request I have to inquire,

If no working out or food deprivation can be required?

It is quite simple, for Christmas I want those pounds to simply melt away,

Heck, I am sure you can easily fit that simple enough in your sleigh.

Strange enough, I remember putting this on my list last year,

I guess there was mis-communication and I wasn’t very straightforward or clear.

I would simply like to go to the bathroom alone,

Somehow we need to make this a kid free zone.

For it seems that as I walk towards the bathroom door,

A loud alarm is sounded and POOF the kids start to roar.

Now, if this last gift request does seem a bit difficult or unfair,

I can settle each morning to brush my teeth and comb my hair.

Of course, the weight of all these things might cause your sleigh bells not to ring.

If that's the case, dear Santa, I do not want you to crash,

so please feel free to just bring me some cash.

And here is what he responded...

I thought you haven’t been naughty, but nice.

But I called your husband and he checked his list even twice.

So all the way from the cold North Pole

All I could get you is this bag of coal.

- Santa