I am Your Wife, Not a Criminal...

When I was 18 I started a quote book and wrote down every quote that I liked for the past 10 + years. On one of the first pages is a quote that says "You will never see your wife smile more pretty than she does for a traffic cop". While that may hold true in most marriages, mine it just won't work. We had been married for 9 years before Tyler decided he wanted to go back to his original plan when we first fell in love and become a police officer... which is great for me. I was raised to do what you want to do... Kinda like the Talladega Nights mentality of "I'm a winner and winners can do what they want"... well I guess exactly like that. So he became an officer and our arguments and activities have changed a tad bit since that happened (not like crazy hang cuff sex activities though, just the interrogations in our relationship).

I learned quickly though that being married to a cop isn't like somebody who is married to a 9 to 5 er. While you might have heard this before, being a cop is a lifestyle and something that is the family. I read once that police officers at home feel they, "must uphold professional demeanor and stifle feelings of anxiety, anger and frustration, a technique that often trickles into his off-duty personality.... he may shut down certain lines of communication." Now the stifle feelings and shut down lines of communications was something I signed up for when we got married. Hello, I thought that was the actual definition of my husband. I don't mind the late nights, sleeping alone or the missed holidays (actually I like my independence), it is the professional demeanor and commanding attitude that pisses me off. Police Officers demand respect making our arguments more of a challenge than a misunderstanding... I am not sure who the challenge is up for though: him or me??

Some might say I have a bit of a demanding, controlling, and dominating personality (I know, strange, but it has been said) but I am SO not one for being interrogated on what I am doing and why I am doing it. Not really going to fly in this household. So here you go honey. A few tips to help you maintain a more positive relationship off duty.

1- I will spend money and I will do it without telling you where why or when it is going to get done. I have handled the finances for the past 11 years... Just because criminals steal money, doesn't mean stealing is using the debit card at Maverick for a Diet Coke. Sometimes money does appear and disappear out of nowhere and I will spend it on frivolous artifacts.

2 - I lose my cell phone. It just disappears. POOF! On Sunday when I lost the phone and had everyone in a 15 minute panic until it was found IS the norm. If I don't answer the phone right away when you call... it is going to be okay. I am alive and well, but lost my phone. There is not need to call back and ask where I was and why I didn't answer the first time you called.

3- When I argue I am not going to have a solid point of why I am arguing. I am upset and that is it. I will take my emotions and thoughts back about 8 years or so and that is okay. We don't need to just focus on the one thing that tipped the scale of why I am crying. While it might work for you to be direct and calm with a bit of a smirk on your face with criminals... it will just make me more angry and more apt to losing all sense of control. I do not have a right to remain silent AND you cannot use everything that I say against me. We run a dictatorship, not a democracy. Plus, most of the time I don't even remember what I am saying.

4 - Something that has to be understood is that I am always right, but, in this regard, I need to be right in the sense that you really believe that I am right. While you may be right at work, that is fine because you have been given your time to be right during your work schedule. When you come home, I command the house. Yes, even police officers have to do the dishes and take out the trash. And while it is believed there is a ticket quote for officers, there is not quote on household duties that you will perform. And it is not considered community service when you pick up trash.

5 - This might come as a surprise, but communication is a two way street. You can't just ask a question and get a direct answer from me. Mostly because I don't really have one and need to run my mouth until I figure out what my actual point is. I am scatter brained and have ADHD, but remember that is one of the reasons why you fell in love with me and married me. Nothing will ever be black and white in this relationship, hopefully mostly pink. Saying things like "Fair? You want me to be fair?" doesn't gain you bedroom points.

SO I guess I am not the typical "cop" wife... which is a good thing, I think. Most people don't give an officer a run for there money though.

"It takes a strong wife to support her husband throughout his life... but it takes a STRONG Wife to support her husband while he protects the lives of others!"

Pyscho Cheer Mom

We’re cute,

We’re sexy,
We’re popular,
We’re hot.
We’re cheerleaders,
We’re out there
We’re everything you’re not …”

First off, cheer moms are crazy? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that sometimes it is a bit out of control. I mean, is it possible to have ANY more Lifetime movies on this subject?? Seriously, though, I totally understand, mainly because I am a cheer mom, by choice, but not one of those crazy cheer moms (or so I hope, I haven't put a hit on anybody yet, but Audrey is only 6). As much as every sporty parent says, "It doesn't matter if you win as long as you have fun," nobody wants their kid running around picking daisies on the football field and taking somersaults off the mat. See, cheer moms are worse than any other parent because to us cheerleading is unique unlike other sports where kids are required to be fast, fit, and ferocious, in addition, the girls are also expected to be perky and cute all while sporting the perfect round-off, back hand spring, back tuck. Cheerleading isn’t just a sport; it is a way of life. Though, I do miss the life of when I was a cheerleader and only had to do a freaking cartwheel and show up to the football games.

I understand the life, but I often wonder what stage of a cheer mom I am at. I don't want to go all Texas Cheer Mom on my daughter, but do get a twinge of panic when her three tier pyramid falls. Last time I was at a cheer competition I saw a lady sitting there on the bleachers with a smug smile wearing a big round button with her daughters picture on it and a t-shirt that says, "Proud mom of a MAC Cheerleader!" and having handwritten "captain" above it!. A bit of an over kill even for my overly Jazz Hands personality.

While I do not relish the thought of spending the rest of my child’s life sitting in bleachers suffering whatever potential weather conditions the universe cares to hurl at us; holding a video camera to capture the spunky one’s gyrations, kicks and yells; driving all over hell and back with at least six squealing cutie pies overtaking the radio controls of my vehicle, I will support my currently ecstatic daughter throughout her cheerleading career. What choice do I have? I kinda set myself up for this. Honestly, I am excited. While I can’t sport the “Cheerleaders do it Kicking” shirt, I can beam with pride as my baby makes it to Nationals... well maybe in a couple of years.

Wordless Wednesday

"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live." Happy birthday, Dr. King.

I am the oldest of 10 kids, 8 are adopted. I remember when my sister, Becca, who is now 22 came home from preschool and said, "Did you know that because of Martin Luther King, Jr. you were able to adopt me (Becca is black)." So when this day of celebration does come around I do try to find new and exciting ways to teach my children the importance of acceptance in our society. This year I had a great lesson idea that really worked out well. And here it is...

Read the MLK, Jr. Children Picture Book

Following a discussion with the kids about how people are alike (we all have two eyes, we all have hair) and how we differ (blue eyes vs. brown eyes-long hair vs. short) show them a brown egg and a white egg. I like to hard boil the eggs. That way when I crap and peal them it doesn't make a big mess.

Discuss the similarities and differences in the eggs. (They are oval, they are different colors.)

Break each egg and dispose of shell. I then ask my kids how they are the same and how they are different... for the most part they say it is white and can't find a difference (Accept my son who always has something silly to say, like that one is shaped like an oval and the other a crooked circle -- He is 8 and humor hasn't reached his level of what is funny and what is not funny). I hide the eggs behind my back and ask if they can tell which is which?

No--because just like people, even though we may LOOK different on the outside, we're all the same on the inside! I then cut the egg in half and showed them the yoke. I had them put their hand on their heart and listen to their heart beating (or beeping -- Emma would say). In the inside we all look the same and we all have a core center which is our heart.

The message is very clear. While the eggs are different on the outside, they are the same on the inside, just like people.

Desperate Housewives Influence...

While this season of Desperate Housewifes started out horrible, I think the series is kicking it into full gear with the latest hilarious quotes and laughable moments. I swear I died when Rene said, "You guys are like the mean, pretty girls who won't let anyone sit at your lunch table". Mainly because I can relate. Not because I am or was the mean, pretty girl (we'll okay, I am pretty), but because as a mom I think I need a SOLID foundation of friendship to keep me going throughout the day, a clique (more or less) that I can count on to sit with my at a lunch table on a consistent manner. Seriously, carving out some time with BFF's is such a stress reliever and I think is overall healthy for my kids and my marriage. For example, my boob popped out at the gym last summer. K kindly told me to pull up my bathing suit top... I didn't even realize it was an entire flash session until I got a call from J later that night completely laughing and telling me that I had flashed everyone at the pool. But, that is true kinship... an embarrassing moment kept under wraps until you can laugh about it. Almost a year in a half later and I am still getting teased about it.

Sometimes you just need that additional backup from somebody you trust who can tell you that you are sane... and that is what I get from my little clique. While, I really like to have new friends, there is comfort in having a firm foundation of girlfriends and here is why...

1. because Girls Breakfast is SO MUCH cheaper than a therapist. I remember when Ty and I were in our 7 year itch and went to a therapist. It was expensive and lasted 3 sessions before we both realized that we just needed to talk or communicate with each other and we learned that we had to understand our self in order to understand each other and our marriage. We also figured out that we needed a way to vent our petty misunderstandings. Plus, the therapist spent most of the time trying to figure out me instead of our marriage. SO, once a week going to breakfast with my girlfriends really puts opens the lines of communication with my husband because I can better understand his crazy antics (like why he thinks that the unspoken rule of husband responsibilities are predetermined at birth are pure fallacy.. yes, dear ALL HUSBANDS TAKE OUT THE TRASH!). Overall, having somebody to vent with and laugh until you pee your pants can go along way in maintaining your sanity and your self understanding.

2. because My Kids Should NOT be Better Dressed than Me. That is right, when I actually know I have someplace important to go, I get dressed. Even if I am running to McDonalds playplace... I am not going to wear my pink flannel pj bottoms because I would MORTIFY my girlfriends. Whether it is the movies, dinner, anyplace with adult contact, I will pull out the big guns to get out of my sweats and put on some makeup. Let's face it, I live in a botox, seven jean, fake Gucci bags world and I am not going to be the slacker -- Yes, I will keep up with the Jones (to some extent, I am super cheap). Plus, this teaches my kids that taking care of yourself and your appearance is important.

3. because Someday My Kids WILL grow up and My Husband WILL Retire. Let's face it, we are living on borrowed time with our kids and while laying there clothes out each morning, big hugs when they wake up, and snotty nose wiping may be my daily routine, being a mom and having a life outside of my family is important. Plus, I don't want my kids growing up thinking they have a boring mom (well, I am not sure that is the right word because my house is like a freaking party in a box), but that it is okay to develop relationships other than with siblings. I can't stress of building friendships with my kids. When Ben is mean to his BFF I simply say "Would I say that to Kayley or Jenna? He sees how I deal with my friendships and can relate that in his life. And while I love my husband to death, he does go to work and I get my daily routines done, he will someday be home all day and we will need to find outside interests besides watching TV. Why not DATE NIGHT with the locals?

Now going back to my confession as a 30 ish mom, really what I have learned that I missed out in my 20's as a new mom is that I need friends. I need contact with other people that I can say stupid things or yell at a man at Maverick and just have them laugh and smile because -- that is just Debbie. While it is IMPORTANT to be a wife and mom, it is also IMPORTANT to be yourself and having a bunch of girlfriends reminds me of who I am. After all, aren't we all just a bunch of desperate housewives?!

To My Sister Katie

Somebody once said that, “One writes best about what they know of.” And with that I introduce, my sisters. I wrote this about 9 years ago when I was living in Utah without any family. The names have been changed, I don't remember why... but here is to you Katie.

“Mom...Mom”, cried Anne in the middle of the night, “Mom, she came again. She told me that she will find a way to be my sister and that I am going to just have to wait. She said it wouldn’t be long”. The frantic 4-year-old snuggled against her mother’s chest and quickly fell back asleep. Rae knew what her only child was talking about. 4 nights in a row it had been the same scenario. Anne had woken up, hysterical speaking of her best friend, a red head and green eyes, named Evelyn, who she played with in heaven. This revelation was amazing. Anne’s, “soul sister”, her eternal playmate, which for some reason was having problems getting into this family and Rae knew why. Rae sighed,in the past 4 years, she had miscarried 6 times. Evelyn could have easily been one of the spirits who were desperately trying to come into this family. It broke her heart to see her only daughter so discouraged about something that was so far out of her hands. With Anne fast asleep, Rae went back to bed, not knowing the things that were to come. She lay next to her sleeping husband, Stewart, and fell asleep thinking of what to do.

It was raining really hard when the phone rang. “Hello”, said Anne, “Hi grandpa. Is it true. It is a girl! Hold on.” Anne quickly ran to get her mother. Rae had been waiting for this telephone call for some time. A few months early she had thought she had miscarried again when her father called and said some lady in his ward was pregnant and looking to put the child up for adoption. 6 month pregnant, Rae, and Stewart quickly jumped on this opportunity and awaited the arrival of there new daughter. “Hi Dad”, said Melanie, “We will be on the next plane out...okay...bye.” They quickly bored a plane and flew to Mesa to get there new daughter. When they walked into the hospital, the nurses quickly escorted them to the baby nursery and pointed out the most beautiful green eyes, red haired baby. Stewart whispered to Rae, “Evelyn”. Thus making there family almost complete, so they thought.

About me...

Since I am turning the big 3-5 in 16 days (who is counting?!), but with that comes people who use to know me, do know me, or kinda know me. So I made a list of 10 things most people don't know about me. This way when I print my blog to a book and save it on my bookshelf at least my kids will be able to read about me.

1. I met my husband while he was serving an LDS mission, 8 months later we were married. I think that is funny, others don’t. Usually a conversation stopper.
2. I am super smart, have my Master’s Degree and all, but that is book smart and what I don’t have is common sense whatsoever. Like none. Really none. I know when I have asked a dumb question when my husband just stares at me and doesn’t answer.
3. We have had 8 cats in our marriage, all named O’Malley, most of which I picked up from a box of kittens in front of Target. It is easier on the kids when we get rid of a cat because they know the next O’Malley will be coming back. I like kittens, not cats. They always grow into cats.
4. I have a horrible obsession of keeping the house clean, but for some reason it is not noticeable until about 9 pm when I clean the house and then it is dirty before anybody comes over.
5. I love to watch General Hospital… to the extreme that the General Hospital Happenings Site is one of the first things I look up on the internet in the morning. Just to check if anybody is dead or going to die, of course!
6. I hate bubblegum. Hate it. The smell makes me sick. Sometimes I am polite and eat the piece of bubble gum when people give it to me to be nice, but the whole time I am holding back vomit.
7. I like to drink Diet Dr. Pepper, then Diet Pepsi, then Diet Coke. To me, Diet Coke is slang for a drink. Like “hey let’s go get a coke”. I think it is a cultural thing based in Los Angeles, but I could be wrong. Might go back to the whole, no common sense thing.
8. I have brown hair, just brown. I always want to have black hair so people will think of me as Snow White. I even have a red bow. Sometimes I dye it black and then it goes back to brown. Just brown, always brown.
9. I have ADD, people always think I am joking when I say that, but I am not. I really have it… like doctors note and all. My husband forgets this and still gets mad at me. Maybe I will tape the note to the fridge so he will cut me some slack, but I doubt that.
10. I am freaked out by mice. They just freak me out. Like can’t breath, sit on the counter for 45 minutes freak out. Full fledge panic attacks sink in. I don’t know why, but they do.

I heard it through the Grapevine... Singing Optional!

Ever since I was in High School I remember having a bit of a feminist side. While we did celebrate every third Thursday of the month as Men are Scum Days (My poor father), I hope over the years I have toned down on the way I handle my thoughts in that respect. I do remember that my father in law told my husband when we were first married “You are going to have to keep her under control” were as my husband replied “I don’t think that is possible”.

But, overall, I do think with all my strange antics and ideas towards men and women in my younger days, the most important aspect is that women hold the power, especially mothers. Honestly, we moms are the ones that buy the products, handle the money, etc and my mom always said that what women do best they do “through the grapevine” But really this whole “heard it through the grapevine” is something that women do to share or “be sure” that the information isn’t, well crap. The biggest example of this is all the Mommy Bloggers and Freebie sites that you can Google.

So today, mothers, women, etc. I am sharing some of my secret information with you that I am sure I have gotten through the grapevine from one or another. I guess it is my way of connecting with people while I am doing laundry much like the women who would talk over hanging their laundry outside.

First, Method Spray. LOVE IT! My BFF, Jenna, told me about this brand called Method that you get at Target. It smells heavenly and makes my granite countertop shine like the top of the Chrysler building (thank you,Annie!). AND even better it is something natural so I think that means if the kids spray it in there eyes we don’t have to run them to the ER?! I was actually talking to Leah yesterday, http://freutcake.com (another must visit), about this spray. They even have this pink one that smells like grapefruit and one for the horrible stainless steel (which they might not get stains, but why don’t fingerprints count in that category?). Plus anything pink that sprays totally will rock my mommy world.

Next, my favorite thing in the world has to be the Dyson. I know, it is such an old school product, but I just got one for Christmas and my mind races about the countless things it can do around the house. So far, I have cleaned the entire downstairs without changing plugs, vacuumed the dog hair AND the dog. I can’t wait for the weather to heat up (yes, lets make it above the 30’s) so I can vacuum out the car. Imagine all the French fries, happy meal toys, and other wonders that will disappear! I bought the yellow one, mainly because my brother in law, Noah, said they are all the same accept for the different attachments. I need the workout, so I opted OUT for the attachments. I hate to say it, but I really hadn't lived until I got this 2 weeks ago. So if you don’t have, get it. Remember, this is my birthday month so it is OK to treat yourself! Actually I found the best time to get one for super cheap is during black Friday… so I guess you can wait, but start saving now! I got mine for $230.00 at Target, or so I think.

Have you been to Tulle4us.com? AMAZING! This jacket is on sale now for only $40!I am usually pretty intimidated by these trendy stores that are SUPER expensive…and NO DOUBT this is one of those stores. It is like a little boutique you would just go in and window shop, but they have the MOST AMAZING sales. I got a white winter jacket there for $20 at the end of the season. So while the shop may seen, well a bit expensive, go straight to the sales section, do not stop at go do not collection $100, and sign up for the emails. This is where I get the sales. At the end of winter, they put almost everything on sale for about $5… can’t beat that at any hometown boutique! It like a Jackie O outfit on a Walmart Budget (I would like to ad that in no way do I condone shopping at Walmart, just go to Target or the Dollar Store, it is always too crowded)!

My final favorite grapevine advice is to go to DealstoMeals.com.

My cousin Tiffany who is an amazing saver told me about this and the best part is that you can price match EVERYTHING at Walmart (though I don't like Walmart and don't do that, you totally can). This site is the bomb shiggity bomb of saving money and feeding the family gourmet meals. It is $4.95 a month and these ladies give you a complete menu for your family, what to eat and do it based on sale items in your area. They shop the ads, they compare the prices, and then they design both a weekly grocery list and a really good meals from what is on sale. While I can say I was an avid coupon shopper like 2 years ago, that lasted about 5 minutes. Let’s face it. I am a neat freak that hates to have a mess and things in the house that don’t have a spot. I tried to cut the coupons and save the newspapers and you know what it brought me? A HUGE HEADACHE! The papers ended up in a box, the coupons where all over the house and by the time I was able to go to the grocery store, it wasn’t worth it. Time is Money to me and my coupon shopping doesn’t pay me enough to do. On that note, I found this site, don’t have to use coupons, shop the ads and it is just a few simple click and print.

So there you have it, use it wisely and as Yoda would say “May the Force Be With You”. Got any other ones for me?

What I know for sure about 2011 and my New Years Resolutions

The New Year is like a rebirth for us mothers… a time when we can reflect on our mistakes throughout the past 12 months and vow to become a new mom, a super mom, in the next few days. We put together a list of mental and physical activities with great detail confessing our top sins and plans to over come them. But, by March, the battle of new mom versus old mom is lost, we feel like a bunch of losers for, once again, not being able to keep a promise.

One might ask, WHY?! Why do we always fail in our quests for rebirthing a new year and becoming the moms we see in the neighborhood? We’ll it is because we overestimate ourselves and wish to resolve the wrong issues. Let’s face it, we have eaten our way through 2010 and it isn’t just going to just magically stop because we stay up past midnight. While it would be nice to be one of “those moms” who has quiet authority over her children it is just not something realistic with my lifestyle.

Plus it is a total drag to give up bad habits that took a good year to install! So, I suggest, let’s give ourselves a break. Life is tough, the economy is bad (we are in a freaking recession!) and setting myself up for failure should not be in the daily routine of 2011. This years resolutions have to set us up for success and the most successful resolutions are those that are SUPER vague, something that we will be doing anyways, and something that we really really want to do (no, sorry, we really don’t want to get up at 5 am and do P90X).

While you are brainstorming your ideas here are a few of mine. Wish me luck…

1. To stop asking stupid questions like “Did you flush the toilet” or “Did you unload the dishes” or “How many times do I have to tell you”? Instead I am going to command attention from my children “FLUSH THE TOILET”! “UNLOAD THE DISHES” “I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE”. While they might just laugh, at least I can say I did it.
2. To keep a stash of Diet Coke in the pantry hidden from my husband and children for emergency anti-stress applications. Though I am now calling the local 7-11 my “mommy cave”.
3. To maintain a permanent chore chart list so Ben and Audrey don’t keep fighting about whose day it is to do the dishes or who needs to feed the dog. It will be SET in STONE until 2012.
4. To NEVER, EVER take my kids with me to the grocery store. Enough said.
5. I will spend less time yelling (this does come with a disclaimer... unless the situation demands a good yelling for example when the kids walk across the floor I just mopped). So it is LESS time yelling, not totally not yelling.
6. I resolve that my house will never be a house free of clutter, thus I resolve to ignore my husbands comments that the house is a always a mess.
7. Stop screaming “What? What did you say?” when my kids are suppose to be in bed, but trying to find a way to maintain constant communication with me.
8. Stop asking, “Why is every light in this house turned on?” and instead charging them for the electricity.
9. Superglue the gloves to my son’s hands so they actually make it to school and home, in the same day.
10. Finally, I will exercise patience and control my temper when I meet dumb people (especially fat men at Maverick who hit my car door and then try to blame me for what happened. Only to cause me to escalate into a roaring fit, call my husband, and explain to the police officer why I hate dealing with fat, egotistical men).

We’ll there you have it, resolutions I can live with and actually have a good feeling about. Maybe I should of added work on procrastination because it is the 2^nd and I am just making my list… but then again New Years was on a Saturday and we should ALWAYS start things on a Monday. Heck, I might just resolve these all in January and have to add the get my kids a pet resolution....