This is not your usually mommy blog. So move that mouse to the "vote for me" blinking light. Plus I know that money in this economy is TIGHT! Best of all the click below is totally free!

In This Economy Jobs are Needed

If there are any takers, just let me know...

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitivecamping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing
to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets andstuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life
if you play your cards right.

Pyscho Cheer Mom

We’re cute,

We’re sexy,
We’re popular,
We’re hot.
We’re cheerleaders,
We’re out there
We’re everything you’re not …”

First off, cheer moms are crazy? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that sometimes it is a bit out of control. I mean, is it possible to have ANY more Lifetime movies on this subject?? Seriously, though, I totally understand, mainly because I am a cheer mom, by choice, but not one of those crazy cheer moms (or so I hope, I haven't put a hit on anybody yet, but Audrey is only 6). As much as every sporty parent says, "It doesn't matter if you win as long as you have fun," nobody wants their kid running around picking daisies on the football field and taking somersaults off the mat. See, cheer moms are worse than any other parent because to us cheerleading is unique unlike other sports where kids are required to be fast, fit, and ferocious, in addition, the girls are also expected to be perky and cute all while sporting the perfect round-off, back hand spring, back tuck. Cheerleading isn’t just a sport; it is a way of life. Though, I do miss the life of when I was a cheerleader and only had to do a freaking cartwheel and show up to the football games.

I understand the life, but I often wonder what stage of a cheer mom I am at. I don't want to go all Texas Cheer Mom on my daughter, but do get a twinge of panic when her three tier pyramid falls. Last time I was at a cheer competition I saw a lady sitting there on the bleachers with a smug smile wearing a big round button with her daughters picture on it and a t-shirt that says, "Proud mom of a MAC Cheerleader!" and having handwritten "captain" above it!. A bit of an over kill even for my overly Jazz Hands personality.

While I do not relish the thought of spending the rest of my child’s life sitting in bleachers suffering whatever potential weather conditions the universe cares to hurl at us; holding a video camera to capture the spunky one’s gyrations, kicks and yells; driving all over hell and back with at least six squealing cutie pies overtaking the radio controls of my vehicle, I will support my currently ecstatic daughter throughout her cheerleading career. What choice do I have? I kinda set myself up for this. Honestly, I am excited. While I can’t sport the “Cheerleaders do it Kicking” shirt, I can beam with pride as my baby makes it to Nationals... well maybe in a couple of years.

Wordless Wednesday

"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live." Happy birthday, Dr. King.

I am the oldest of 10 kids, 8 are adopted. I remember when my sister, Becca, who is now 22 came home from preschool and said, "Did you know that because of Martin Luther King, Jr. you were able to adopt me (Becca is black)." So when this day of celebration does come around I do try to find new and exciting ways to teach my children the importance of acceptance in our society. This year I had a great lesson idea that really worked out well. And here it is...

Read the MLK, Jr. Children Picture Book

Following a discussion with the kids about how people are alike (we all have two eyes, we all have hair) and how we differ (blue eyes vs. brown eyes-long hair vs. short) show them a brown egg and a white egg. I like to hard boil the eggs. That way when I crap and peal them it doesn't make a big mess.

Discuss the similarities and differences in the eggs. (They are oval, they are different colors.)

Break each egg and dispose of shell. I then ask my kids how they are the same and how they are different... for the most part they say it is white and can't find a difference (Accept my son who always has something silly to say, like that one is shaped like an oval and the other a crooked circle -- He is 8 and humor hasn't reached his level of what is funny and what is not funny). I hide the eggs behind my back and ask if they can tell which is which?

No--because just like people, even though we may LOOK different on the outside, we're all the same on the inside! I then cut the egg in half and showed them the yoke. I had them put their hand on their heart and listen to their heart beating (or beeping -- Emma would say). In the inside we all look the same and we all have a core center which is our heart.

The message is very clear. While the eggs are different on the outside, they are the same on the inside, just like people.

My Prayer for the New Year

Dear God:

For 2011, all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please do not mix up the two like you did last year.

Amen

Wordless Wednesday