Friday, January 28, 2011

In This Economy Jobs are Needed

If there are any takers, just let me know...

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitivecamping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing
to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets andstuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life
if you play your cards right.

29 comments:

Freebies Mom said...

Hey, That's my job described to a tee! LOL
Hello! I discovered your wonderful blog at the hop.
Love it! Happily following you now.
Freebies 4 Moms
http://casinofreebies3.blogspot.com/

Stephanie said...

Following you (o:
http://lifeassupermom.blogspot.com/

Jessica said...

Yep! Sounds like life as I know it! ;) VERY cute!

Following you from the blog hop! Feel free to stop by my blogs anytime. :)

http://wayneandjessi.blogspot.com
http://theperfectmombiz.blogspot.com

Stella and Dot Independent Stylist said...

so true!

Rebecca said...

Friendly Friday blog hopping. LOL love the title of your blog. Cute post idea though I would disagree in the promotion area. When I got prego with my second The Mr {my hubs} said, "Guess God gave you a promotion my dear" lol
you can grab my blog by clicking on my profile if interested. I'm also a stay at home mom 30ish :-)
Cheers!

Sarah - PS Mom Reviews said...

I'm a new follower from Fun Follow Friday.
I hope you'll come check me out at PS Mom Reviews and follow me too!

Donna said...

Great post! I'm a new follower from Social Parade on Friday. I'd love for you to visit my blog and follow back!

Donna
http://potofgoldgiveaways.blogspot.com/

Kim@Chubby Cheeks Thinks said...

OMG! So funny! I have one open too! LOL
Thanks so much for linking up for Hop Along Friday! I'm your newest follower and would love for you to stop by if you get a chance! Hope you have a wonderful weekend! :)

Kim
http://www.chubbycheeksthinks.com

1 Funky Woman said...

OMGosh this is so true and so funny! Especially being underappreciated and underpaid! So glad mine are both in school!

New follower now from the Blog Hop. Hope you can hop on over and check me out at http://1funkywoman.blogspot.com

Megan

Uberlibrarian said...

New follower here! Love this post, and really looking forward to reading more!

Sarah
http://uberlibrariana.blogspot.com

3 Giggly Monsters said...

Hello I am a new follower from the Weekend Blog Hop. I would love a follow back at
http://megankayden.blogspot.c

Nancy said...

Yes being a mom has the BEST benefits!!!
Visiting from the blog hop. So glad I found you. Enjoy the rest of your Friday!
Nancy
http://discoverdirectselling.blogspot.com/

kbreints said...

You crack me up. This could not be more real. I love it.

Hot Mess Mom said...

Funny! I can carry all the shopping bags and the babies too! I don't understand how I can do it in one trip, and the man, decidedly stronger than I am, needs like 9 trips to do the same thing? :)

I'm following you from the Fun Follow Friday! I'd love for you to return the favor and follow back! :)

http://learningtolivemybestlifein365days.blogspot.com/

Danielle @ Happenings of the Harper Household said...

New follower from the Weekend Blog Hop!! Hope you can stop by www.HappeningsoftheHarperHousehold.blogspot.com

Kristy said...

You are hilarious!!

Debbie said...

Love it! Following you from Saturday's hop.
Debbie from nofiltermom.blogspot.com

Amanda-The Nutritionist Reviews said...

I love this post! So cute.

I just found your blog through a Saturday blog hop. Have a great weekend!

Amanda @ www.nutritionistreviews.com

Tezzie said...

Ha! Perfect <3

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Brilliant post! I think it probably fits the job description of most parents!

CJ xx

Heather said...

I read this yesterday on another blog post...Its so true...moms are needed in this world but we are so under appreciated most of the time! I'm following you from the weekend blog hop. I'd love for you stop by when you can, have a great weekend!


Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

Shelley said...

Did I unknowningly apply for that job and get it, hmmm? Following from the blog hop. Hope you can follow back.
God Bless,
Shelley
< a href="http://www.mylifeadventurebyme.blogspot.com//">Finding My Life in Faith< /a>

momof2 said...

Where can I hire one of those for me? :-)

New to following you through our Mommy Bloggers group on LinkedIn!

www.DaniellePender.com
Danielle

Teresa@multi-facetmom said...

So very true!! Great post!

Following from Saturday Stalk Remix!

http://multi-facetmom.blogspot.com/

Yani said...

Hi I'm your latest follower. Love your blog! Please come by for a visit http://www.markhampenny.blogspot.com Thanks a bunch!

Renee Massauro said...

LOL! So true, and its never fully understood until you have them :)

Doreen McGettigan said...

I have passed that job onto my daughter's and my son...now I get to have babies or kids when I want (which for some crazy reason is alot) and return them when I've had enough fun.
I am a new visitor and follower via Java...the photos are so cute!

http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

Thanks so much for stopping by The House on the Corner ~ I'm following back!!

Rowell Reviews said...

This is too cute! New GFC follower, BlogFrog as well. Feel free to stop by.

Billie