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What I know for sure about 2011 and my New Years Resolutions

The New Year is like a rebirth for us mothers… a time when we can reflect on our mistakes throughout the past 12 months and vow to become a new mom, a super mom, in the next few days. We put together a list of mental and physical activities with great detail confessing our top sins and plans to over come them. But, by March, the battle of new mom versus old mom is lost, we feel like a bunch of losers for, once again, not being able to keep a promise.

One might ask, WHY?! Why do we always fail in our quests for rebirthing a new year and becoming the moms we see in the neighborhood? We’ll it is because we overestimate ourselves and wish to resolve the wrong issues. Let’s face it, we have eaten our way through 2010 and it isn’t just going to just magically stop because we stay up past midnight. While it would be nice to be one of “those moms” who has quiet authority over her children it is just not something realistic with my lifestyle.

Plus it is a total drag to give up bad habits that took a good year to install! So, I suggest, let’s give ourselves a break. Life is tough, the economy is bad (we are in a freaking recession!) and setting myself up for failure should not be in the daily routine of 2011. This years resolutions have to set us up for success and the most successful resolutions are those that are SUPER vague, something that we will be doing anyways, and something that we really really want to do (no, sorry, we really don’t want to get up at 5 am and do P90X).

While you are brainstorming your ideas here are a few of mine. Wish me luck…

  1. To stop asking stupid questions like “Did you flush the toilet” or “Did you unload the dishes” or “How many times do I have to tell you”? Instead I am going to command attention from my children “FLUSH THE TOILET”! “UNLOAD THE DISHES” “I AM ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE”. While they might just laugh, at least I can say I did it.
  2. To keep a stash of Diet Coke in the pantry hidden from my husband and children for emergency anti-stress applications. Though I am now calling the local 7-11 my “mommy cave”.
  3. To maintain a permanent chore chart list so Ben and Audrey don’t keep fighting about whose day it is to do the dishes or who needs to feed the dog. It will be SET in STONE until 2012.
  4. To NEVER, EVER take my kids with me to the grocery store. Enough said.
  5. I will spend less time yelling (this does come with a disclaimer... unless the situation demands a good yelling for example when the kids walk across the floor I just mopped). So it is LESS time yelling, not totally not yelling.
  6. I resolve that my house will never be a house free of clutter, thus I resolve to ignore my husbands comments that the house is a always a mess.
  7. Stop screaming “What? What did you say?” when my kids are suppose to be in bed, but trying to find a way to maintain constant communication with me.
  8. Stop asking, “Why is every light in this house turned on?” and instead charging them for the electricity.
  9. Superglue the gloves to my son’s hands so they actually make it to school and home, in the same day.
  10. Finally, I will exercise patience and control my temper when I meet dumb people (especially fat men at Maverick who hit my car door and then try to blame me for what happened. Only to cause me to escalate into a roaring fit, call my husband, and explain to the police officer why I hate dealing with fat, egotistical men).

We’ll there you have it, resolutions I can live with and actually have a good feeling about. Maybe I should of added work on procrastination because it is the 2nd and I am just making my list… but then again New Years was on a Saturday and we should ALWAYS start things on a Monday. Heck, I might just resolve these all in January and have to add the get my kids a pet resolution....


Lac said…
You are always good for a laugh!!! You seriously make my stomach hurt.
Kim Kelly said…
LOL!!! I LOVE Your resolutions!! I'm also going to ignore my husband's directives to get rid of the clutter... try as we might, it just isn't going anywhere!

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