Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Recently, like this past Sunday, I was sitting in church. My Emma was chatting about something, my Audrey was constantly asking to use the bathroom, and my Ben was making my Emma laugh which in turned made me try to think of quick and quiet ways to get them to settle down. There is such a fine line, for me, about teaching my kids when to be quite, reverent, and self entertainment. Plus how do I teach my children to pay attention to adult speakers when I am having the same problem? I also have come to terms with how crafty my children are at knowing there is nothing that I can do besides the "SHHH" and "be quite" during this sometimes long hour. But this post isn't going to be about my bad parenting on Sunday, but the relationship of events that coincide with my bad parenting skills this day.
So this is how my Sunday was going. I often wonder if maybe when I am older and the snacks and church bags are gone that I might actually be able to understand and follow the speakers. In between the stories about Halo Legos and how Emma hearing the speaker say the word, "Jesus" (Mom, he said Jesus, he said it again. Now he said Benjamin, King Benjamin... is Benjamin a King? I thought he was my brother....) I hear the speaker relate talking about the different hypocrisy of the members of the church. He then comments (and yes, he posted his talks on his blog so I can then cut and paste here. All in all it really is a good talk that you should read because it makes valid points), "Any public manifestation of righteous behavior should not be a mask that is taken off when in the privacy of our home" in which I chuckle... yeah, chuckle... Right... how would I ever be able to mask my hypocrisy. I own it. Seriously?! I think I spend more of my time apologizing for my kids and MY mistakes than being able to poke and prod at what anybody else is doing wrong. I swear it is always one of mine or something I said without letting the words wheel around in my head before I say them outloud (my mom told me to do that all the time).
The speaker then said, "We are not immune from hypocrisy. It is found in the ...people who criticizes an associate who occasionally smokes marijuana but who himself has a strong Diet Coke addiction". I chuckle again, Diet Coke and the Mormon church are as controversial as the Disney Animators and the Little Mermaid or Charlie Sheen getting back on Two and a Half Men. Why does Diet Coke raise the ire of so many Mormons?
I then posted on my facebook, "I think drinking diet coke was just compared to smoking cigarettes in church today"... Then I started to think about it. One of the biggest stereotypes of Mormon woman is that of having an "Addiction" to Diet Coke. It is common is circle of friends to hear, "Most Mormon Moms actually have a Diet Coke IV shoved into their veins. Drinking it takes too much time" (That is for you, Jennifer Ellis).
But the actually addiction to diet coke, I think is a fallacy. To be more specific, I'm going to have to go with the false dilemma fallacy.... "the fallacy can also arise simply by accidental omission of additional options rather than by deliberate deception". So here is how the, naysayers see Diet Coke and all the moms talking about "Holy Crap, I need a Diet Coke" after spending the day with the kids. Others make take comments such as, "My weekly Saturday trip to the grocery store to pick up a 2-liter of “Happy Juice” for consumption after church each Sunday has become a warped act of religious devotion for me" might realm on the point of addiction if you don't find the humor behind it. Do the uneducated in the world of soda drinking even know that for most, Diet Coke is slang for a drink?? Let's go get a Coke... Sometimes, as a mom, we just got to get out and "go and get a coke". Plus, I don't even really like Diet Coke, but am more of a Coke Zero, Diet Pepsi fan. So much that is accidentally omitted in this deliberate attack on my sanity.... my need for that 15 minutes of quite where I don't have to listen to anybody fighting or asking questions. Seriously, my kids stop talking when the lady comes on the box and says, "Can I take your order?". The speaker of this talk then went to his blog and as a joke posted... "Incidentally, I understand that she has a Diet Coke addiction". Which is somewhat the truth, but still a fallacy. I am an addict -- "Hello, my name is Debbie and I am addicted to 15 minutes of just me time". So let's get the actual facts straight here...
As a mormon mom, what do I have?? I don't social drink at parties, I don't go clubbing with the girlfriends in the wee hours of the night, I never go to Starbucks and sit, I forgo the occasional use of weed in the backyard (Yes, this happened alot with the mom that I nannied for)... I go get a Diet Coke. If you walk into a house outside of the typical mormon home you might hear, "Would you like a cup of coffee?" I found this quote that says, "When I serve the coffee and if it is one of those wonderful tasting pots of coffee, my guest and I seem to have a much better conversation. We both feel happier because the coffee is so delicious".... Diet Coke is like the Social Aspect of the Mormon Church. So while it is not breaking the word of wisdom to have anything in moderation... the poor stereotyping of mom's addiction to Diet Coke has got to stop. Sitting with my friends on the grass during the summer time sipping a 48 ouncer of Diet Coke is just delicious. I have been known to go to the drive through and bring back drinks so we can just sit and chat.
So here's to the drink that has brought together millions of frazzled moms on a hot summer day. It's the drink that has sat in on millions of mormon mom's fridge around the world as devote followers. It's the drink that has helped millions of women overcome the daily headaches of being a mom. It's the drink that signified the official transition from wife to mother.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Crib shoes come in sizes: 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months, 9-12 months and retail for $10
Dapper Leg Warmers: Your choice from the blog! Retail $12!
Here is what you have to do to win!
Follow Retail be Gone
This Giveaway Ends on Friday, March 25th at 8 pm PST (Sorry, I am a mom of 3, I go to bed early!!)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
This is my FAVORITE thing to do for St. Patty's Day. I combine my two most fav crafts -- Hair Bows and Preschool Art. What you will simply need are Head Bands which I get 5 for $1 at Family Dollar, Green Tempura Paint, and Styrofoam Cups.
First preheat your oven to 320 and place 4 to 5 Styrofoam cups on a cookie sheet and place in oven for 3 minutes or so. You really have to watch them and take them out of the oven when they look like little hats. ALSO don't heat up the oven or they go super fast and shrink into a pile of mush. This is the shrinking process of the cups in the oven...
Get the green paint out and paint the hats green like below...
Next get some black felt and cut a square and hot glue. You can also use aluminum foil. I get my black felt for a $1 from the Dollar Store.
Here are the headbands from the Family Dollar Store...
And the END PRODUCT! Aren't they just adorable!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
SHH! I have a confessions. I have been known to sport my pink flannel pj's to the local drive through and was talking with the principal of my kids school this morning, at drop off, with grey sweats, my Hawaii Hoodie, and here is the ticker -- NO BRA! This isn't a daily occurance, or so I like to think, it happens only a few times that I am out in sweats, and I am not proud. But no one, even a harried stay-at-home mom, would ever actually go into a store or anywhere else in public like that, right?
So wrong, in fact, that Tesco, a giant grocery chain in the UK, has actually had to enact an official store policy banning patrons wearing slippers and/or nightwear. London’s Daily Mail reports a notice posted at the entrance to a Tesco superstore in Wales: “To avoid causing embarrassment to others we ask that our customers are appropriately dressed when visiting our store (footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted).” HA HA HA... Like nursing without a cover and your boob hanging out wasn't bad enough, now the English are taking away the pajamas.
She said: “I just don't understand it. I go in other shops in my pajamas and they don't say anything. … it is ridiculous and stupid. I've got lovely pairs of pajamas, with bears and penguins on them. I've worn my best ones today, just so I look tidy.” One Internet comment urged Walmart to impose the same rule. Added another, “I hope America adapts this ASAP.” Can you even imagine the headlines "Moms banned from midnight showing of Twilight due to Flannel Christmas Pajamas".
Wait a minute, I think I own those pants -- Old Navy?
For heaven’s sakes, moms, it is now a law in some countries and we need to have some pride and self respect in how we shop! I don’t actually care so much about what the other shoppers are thinking: Is a mother in her flannels really a lot worse than Britney Spears prancing through Target half-naked, in an outfit consisting mainly of flip-flops, cut-offs and a Starbucks cup? The problem is a matter of self-respect or self deprivation from adult interaction. How can you take yourself, and what you do in life, seriously, if you don’t think you’re important enough to even bother getting dressed in the morning? I mean those clothes will still get cleaned if you are wearing heels.
I called my sister about this and she said, "“Amen to that! Is it really too hard to put on pants in the morning? People used to care about how they looked when they left the house. I blame the decline of western civilization on Juicy sweatpants and Ugg boots.” Damn you Juicy Pants! You fit too well and your plush feel calls my name when I get out of bed.
Two of my mom friends confess to wearing their slippers that look like Uggs out and about. To that I say – it’s a slippery slope, ladies! I’m keeping my eye on those two; hopefully I won’t have to do any bunny-slipper interventions in the coming months
Look, I’m a mom. I know how hard it is to get two kids out of the house and to school on time – especially when you have stayed up late watching divo of the Bachelor and Gossip Girls. And I work from home, so it’s not imperative for me to be dressed nicely every day. I usually rush out of the house in the morning to school wearing something something that doesn't smell on the floor, and then I have the luxury of getting changed after drop-off. But, by golly, before I show up at a store later that morning or at pick-up in the afternoons ,I’m at least wearing jeans or some form of yoga pants, my hair is done and I’m probably wearing makeup... well sometimes.
This is a wake up call -- Ladies, it is time to say NO to sweats so we can become known as a society where we are not "asked" to be removed from a store because of our appearance. It is embarrassing enough to have 2 kids fighting, running up and down the isles, and spit up dripping from our hair at the grocery stores. It is time to send a message to other moms -- sweats are not to be. Even if it’s just an Ugg-clad foot into the grocery store. And the Manolo's are worth the money, even if it is just a quick romp to get a Diet Coke. So now I am going to get up and dress a bit more like this --
Monday, March 7, 2011
My Emma is just one of a kind. She is a nut. That is basically what she is. Sometimes I wonder where she comes from, but then have a strange hunch that she is alot like me. Yesterday my sister came over and asked if we were going to hold Emma back from entering Kindergarten in September because she is so short... she is short. She is almost 5 and still wears 2 T. I like to think she is more petite than short... but whatever, she is adorable. Here is a list of her latest "Oh no she did not say that"....
Emma, who is the president of the United States -- Burger King
My dad asked Emma where she wanted to go, he had an empty box. She got in the box and said "Nanok". He said where is that. She said, "Far away, duh"
Everything is "that is kinda freaking me out".
Emma was talking to her cousin on the phone when I heard her say "Can you hear me... I was shaking my head" to a question that Lo Lo asked.
In her prayers she said, "Dear Uncle Jesus, please bless my Uncle Devin will get better... oh, yeah... and bless the food"
I asked Emma what she wanted to drink and she said Diet Coke, but if they don't have that I guess I will take a Diet Pepsi.
Emma told me she had a good dad, I said I picked a good dad, and she said "yeah we all like to pick on dad -- and poke him"
Yesterday she said, "I have Jesus in my brain and it is kinda freaking me out"
Noah, her friend, asked to marry her, she said no
I found an eyelash on Emma's cheek during sacrament. I picked it off and put it on my thumb and whimsically added, "Emma Blw". She blew her nose, snot all over my thumb.
I asked Emma where the rain came from, "The wind kind, he is now crying"
Friday, March 4, 2011
I was filling out a free sample of something unimportant when I came to a box that asked my age... Then I saw the box they wanted ME to check.... 35-42. Seriously?? Can it possible that this youthful sex goddess is wanted to check a box that is close to the classification of being in my 4o's?! My life is still an array of commotion, but I think I will take with pride the box that places me in 35...
At 22 you’re a New Graduate, faxing and filing
While dating a guy who can’t stop drunk-dialing.
You begin to wonder if college was simply a waste,
Long gone are the idealistic dreams that you chased.
(…for now, anyway!)
Next you’re a Dollarless Diva with no cash in sight,
Eating peanuts off the bar when you go out at night.
You’re dating a guy just for the free meals,
And searching the clearance rack for any good deals.
(…that you buy on credit!)
By 24, you dive into your career and become the Worker Bee,
Taking on bigger projects and working overtime for free.
Your sights are set higher than the cubicle you’re in,
And you run yourself ragged, determined to win.
(Will showing some leg help?)
Around 25, you realize the food you eat is making you chubby,
You start feeling disgusting and tired and grubby.
You become the Body Conscious Babe and hit the gym hard,
Determined to lose every last inch of lard.
(Come on, it’s not that bad!)
Once you’re in shape, and you’re feeling great,
Around 28 you meet a guy you actually want to date.
He likes hiking, so you take it up too,
You’re a Chameleon, becoming like him to make him love you.
(…but not for long!)
A bit or so later, you realize you feel a bit strange.
This guy just isn’t The One, but it’s so tough to change.
Your job gets you down and you’re not satisfied with your life
You’re in Crisis Chick mode and nothing at all seems quite right
(Bring on the chocolate and naps!)
Around 30, you pull through, and after a final good cry,
You switch jobs, change your wardrobe and marry a good guy.
You figure out a path in order to make it on your own
And become Happy Girl, you can't do it alone.
But one day you’re putting on your makeup under bright lights in the loo,
And you notice a wrinkle staring right back at you.
It must be the lighting– it just can’t be real,
Or maybe, you realize, you’re not as young as you feel.
You’re a little confused—you’re no longer a girl,
But you’re not yet a women, and that makes you in a “Whirl”
You’re caught between the two with your age starting to show,
But you’re not old just yet! You’ve got many years left to go!
(At least sixty or so!)
You think back over your life, and all you’ve been through,
It seems like there’s been three or four or ten different yous.
You wonder how you survived each and every phase,
Enduring crazy-sagging boobs and exhausting kid filled days.
But you’ve learned patience, and hard work, and carrying kids while in heels,
And turning 35 is not as bad as it feels,
You see that your life is a constantly changing commotion,
Full of challenges, fun times, lots of love and emotion!
So the next time life sucks and your husbands an ass,
Remember that surely this stage too shall pass.
You’ll make it through the tough times and gracefully survive,
Remember all the best women have turned 35.
The best days lie ahead, you’re now the True You!
Get busy living, there’s so much to do.
Make every new day what you want it to be.
The future has not been written. Only you hold the key!