I was at the pool with Jenna a couple of days ago and Gabe was saying he wanted to put his feet in the water while they waited for the “water break” to end. Jenna told him that he wasn’t suppose to do that because it was against the rules. He then explained that other kids were doing it so why couldn’t he. I then said, “So if the other kids were jumping off the Empire State Building, would you want me to let you do it too?”… Classic mom move. Jenna and I laughed.
It got me thinking about things my mom said, that I thought were TOTALLY LAME, but for some reason she always pulled off with a very serious face and I always felt like “gosh dang it” she is right my “socks are not going to pick themselves up” and I guess I “should play outside, it is a beautiful day”. Her “catch phrases” never made complete sense (like “Shut the door! I'm not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighborhood!” or “Close the door! You don't live in a barn”. Duh, she knows we are not in a barn and who has barns in Southern California??? Where was she going with that one?), but she always found a way to throw them into some sort of example when I didn’t seem to make the right choice.
At that moment, at the pool, I got it. She wasn’t telling me those things because it was suppose to be common knowledge or really make sense, she was telling me those things so that when I became 34, with 3 kids, and I am at the pool with my friends I could tell them to my kids and then get a good laugh with my girlfriends behind their backs. Genius.
So here are a list of classics every mom should be using on a daily basis, first to confuse the children and get them logically thinking and then to call your best friend and laugh…
All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid. (Seriously?? Who has a real maid and I always thought, as a kid, that I was the maid)
Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident. (Isn’t that her responsibility to make sure I have clean underwear?? Why put that responsibility on me??)
Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO. (This is my all time FAVORITE to use on my kids. Mostly because I don’t know why, but the answer is just no).
Don't sit too close to the television, it'll ruin your eyes. (Has anybody goggled this to find out if this is really true? I think it is just a way to get the kids attention).
Go to your room and think about what you did! (By the time I walked up to my room, I would have already forgotten what I did, then I would have to spend the next hour trying to figure out what she thought I did.)
I would have never talked to MY mother like that! (HA… yeah right)
If you don't stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!
If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play outside.
It's no use crying over spilt milk. (Really, bringing milk into this??)
Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it! (How can you say sorry and mean it when you don’t??)
Put that down! You don't know where it's been! (So true and as a mother, you don’t know where it has been)
What did I say the FIRST time? (Classic, I can’t remember exactly what I said, but maybe you will)
What part of NO don't you understand?
When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school. (Yeah, I never got this one considering my parents grew up in Sunny Santa Monica).
You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem.
Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!
With that, please, use at least once of these, once a day and report back to my blog.