Dear Santa

Dear Santa – Here is my Christmas List

I hope you’ll be able to assist

You see, please bring them all,

My husband just couldn’t seem to find them at the mall.

I would like to have my own king size bed,

That includes a pillow for just my single head.

You see, dear Santa, it may seem,

My kids are unable to have a good dreams.

Without adding trouble I need this to include a full night’s sleep,

You must understand I know what I am asking for is pretty steep.

Also, I need to have a long, hot shower,

One that is not included in my families “rush hour”.

My showers, dear Santa, will have to envision

Includes residue from the table and my parent supervision.

With hands flaring around and kids kicking and screaming,

My shower time consists of much parental scheming.

Now I am not asking for magical unicorns, a wand or a clown,

The next thing I need is the disappearance of these unwanted pounds.

In that small request I have to inquire,

If no working out or food deprivation can be required?

It is quite simple, for Christmas I want those pounds to simply melt away,

Heck, I am sure you can easily fit that simple enough in your sleigh.

Strange enough, I remember putting this on my list last year,

I guess there was mis-communication and I wasn’t very straightforward or clear.

I would simply like to go to the bathroom alone,

Somehow we need to make this a kid free zone.

For it seems that as I walk towards the bathroom door,

A loud alarm is sounded and POOF the kids start to roar.

Now, if this last gift request does seem a bit difficult or unfair,

I can settle each morning to brush my teeth and comb my hair.

Of course, the weight of all these things might cause your sleigh bells not to ring.

If that's the case, dear Santa, I do not want you to crash,

so please feel free to just bring me some cash.

And here is what he responded...

I thought you haven’t been naughty, but nice.

But I called your husband and he checked his list even twice.

So all the way from the cold North Pole

All I could get you is this bag of coal.

- Santa