This is not your usually mommy blog. So move that mouse to the "vote for me" blinking light. Plus I know that money in this economy is TIGHT! Best of all the click below is totally free!

In This Economy Jobs are Needed

If there are any takers, just let me know...

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitivecamping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing
to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets andstuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life
if you play your cards right.

Pyscho Cheer Mom

We’re cute,

We’re sexy,
We’re popular,
We’re hot.
We’re cheerleaders,
We’re out there
We’re everything you’re not …”

First off, cheer moms are crazy? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that sometimes it is a bit out of control. I mean, is it possible to have ANY more Lifetime movies on this subject?? Seriously, though, I totally understand, mainly because I am a cheer mom, by choice, but not one of those crazy cheer moms (or so I hope, I haven't put a hit on anybody yet, but Audrey is only 6). As much as every sporty parent says, "It doesn't matter if you win as long as you have fun," nobody wants their kid running around picking daisies on the football field and taking somersaults off the mat. See, cheer moms are worse than any other parent because to us cheerleading is unique unlike other sports where kids are required to be fast, fit, and ferocious, in addition, the girls are also expected to be perky and cute all while sporting the perfect round-off, back hand spring, back tuck. Cheerleading isn’t just a sport; it is a way of life. Though, I do miss the life of when I was a cheerleader and only had to do a freaking cartwheel and show up to the football games.

I understand the life, but I often wonder what stage of a cheer mom I am at. I don't want to go all Texas Cheer Mom on my daughter, but do get a twinge of panic when her three tier pyramid falls. Last time I was at a cheer competition I saw a lady sitting there on the bleachers with a smug smile wearing a big round button with her daughters picture on it and a t-shirt that says, "Proud mom of a MAC Cheerleader!" and having handwritten "captain" above it!. A bit of an over kill even for my overly Jazz Hands personality.

While I do not relish the thought of spending the rest of my child’s life sitting in bleachers suffering whatever potential weather conditions the universe cares to hurl at us; holding a video camera to capture the spunky one’s gyrations, kicks and yells; driving all over hell and back with at least six squealing cutie pies overtaking the radio controls of my vehicle, I will support my currently ecstatic daughter throughout her cheerleading career. What choice do I have? I kinda set myself up for this. Honestly, I am excited. While I can’t sport the “Cheerleaders do it Kicking” shirt, I can beam with pride as my baby makes it to Nationals... well maybe in a couple of years.

Wordless Wednesday

"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live." Happy birthday, Dr. King.

I am the oldest of 10 kids, 8 are adopted. I remember when my sister, Becca, who is now 22 came home from preschool and said, "Did you know that because of Martin Luther King, Jr. you were able to adopt me (Becca is black)." So when this day of celebration does come around I do try to find new and exciting ways to teach my children the importance of acceptance in our society. This year I had a great lesson idea that really worked out well. And here it is...

Read the MLK, Jr. Children Picture Book

Following a discussion with the kids about how people are alike (we all have two eyes, we all have hair) and how we differ (blue eyes vs. brown eyes-long hair vs. short) show them a brown egg and a white egg. I like to hard boil the eggs. That way when I crap and peal them it doesn't make a big mess.

Discuss the similarities and differences in the eggs. (They are oval, they are different colors.)

Break each egg and dispose of shell. I then ask my kids how they are the same and how they are different... for the most part they say it is white and can't find a difference (Accept my son who always has something silly to say, like that one is shaped like an oval and the other a crooked circle -- He is 8 and humor hasn't reached his level of what is funny and what is not funny). I hide the eggs behind my back and ask if they can tell which is which?

No--because just like people, even though we may LOOK different on the outside, we're all the same on the inside! I then cut the egg in half and showed them the yoke. I had them put their hand on their heart and listen to their heart beating (or beeping -- Emma would say). In the inside we all look the same and we all have a core center which is our heart.

The message is very clear. While the eggs are different on the outside, they are the same on the inside, just like people.

My Prayer for the New Year

Dear God:

For 2011, all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please do not mix up the two like you did last year.

Amen

Wordless Wednesday

Desperate Housewives Influence...

While this season of Desperate Housewifes started out horrible, I think the series is kicking it into full gear with the latest hilarious quotes and laughable moments. I swear I died when Rene said, "You guys are like the mean, pretty girls who won't let anyone sit at your lunch table". Mainly because I can relate. Not because I am or was the mean, pretty girl (we'll okay, I am pretty), but because as a mom I think I need a SOLID foundation of friendship to keep me going throughout the day, a clique (more or less) that I can count on to sit with my at a lunch table on a consistent manner. Seriously, carving out some time with BFF's is such a stress reliever and I think is overall healthy for my kids and my marriage. For example, my boob popped out at the gym last summer. K kindly told me to pull up my bathing suit top... I didn't even realize it was an entire flash session until I got a call from J later that night completely laughing and telling me that I had flashed everyone at the pool. But, that is true kinship... an embarrassing moment kept under wraps until you can laugh about it. Almost a year in a half later and I am still getting teased about it.

Sometimes you just need that additional backup from somebody you trust who can tell you that you are sane... and that is what I get from my little clique. While, I really like to have new friends, there is comfort in having a firm foundation of girlfriends and here is why...

1. because Girls Breakfast is SO MUCH cheaper than a therapist. I remember when Ty and I were in our 7 year itch and went to a therapist. It was expensive and lasted 3 sessions before we both realized that we just needed to talk or communicate with each other and we learned that we had to understand our self in order to understand each other and our marriage. We also figured out that we needed a way to vent our petty misunderstandings. Plus, the therapist spent most of the time trying to figure out me instead of our marriage. SO, once a week going to breakfast with my girlfriends really puts opens the lines of communication with my husband because I can better understand his crazy antics (like why he thinks that the unspoken rule of husband responsibilities are predetermined at birth are pure fallacy.. yes, dear ALL HUSBANDS TAKE OUT THE TRASH!). Overall, having somebody to vent with and laugh until you pee your pants can go along way in maintaining your sanity and your self understanding.

2. because My Kids Should NOT be Better Dressed than Me. That is right, when I actually know I have someplace important to go, I get dressed. Even if I am running to McDonalds playplace... I am not going to wear my pink flannel pj bottoms because I would MORTIFY my girlfriends. Whether it is the movies, dinner, anyplace with adult contact, I will pull out the big guns to get out of my sweats and put on some makeup. Let's face it, I live in a botox, seven jean, fake Gucci bags world and I am not going to be the slacker -- Yes, I will keep up with the Jones (to some extent, I am super cheap). Plus, this teaches my kids that taking care of yourself and your appearance is important.

3. because Someday My Kids WILL grow up and My Husband WILL Retire. Let's face it, we are living on borrowed time with our kids and while laying there clothes out each morning, big hugs when they wake up, and snotty nose wiping may be my daily routine, being a mom and having a life outside of my family is important. Plus, I don't want my kids growing up thinking they have a boring mom (well, I am not sure that is the right word because my house is like a freaking party in a box), but that it is okay to develop relationships other than with siblings. I can't stress of building friendships with my kids. When Ben is mean to his BFF I simply say "Would I say that to Kayley or Jenna? He sees how I deal with my friendships and can relate that in his life. And while I love my husband to death, he does go to work and I get my daily routines done, he will someday be home all day and we will need to find outside interests besides watching TV. Why not DATE NIGHT with the locals?

Now going back to my confession as a 30 ish mom, really what I have learned that I missed out in my 20's as a new mom is that I need friends. I need contact with other people that I can say stupid things or yell at a man at Maverick and just have them laugh and smile because -- that is just Debbie. While it is IMPORTANT to be a wife and mom, it is also IMPORTANT to be yourself and having a bunch of girlfriends reminds me of who I am. After all, aren't we all just a bunch of desperate housewives?!

To My Sister Katie

Somebody once said that, “One writes best about what they know of.” And with that I introduce, my sisters. I wrote this about 9 years ago when I was living in Utah without any family. The names have been changed, I don't remember why... but here is to you Katie.

“Mom...Mom”, cried Anne in the middle of the night, “Mom, she came again. She told me that she will find a way to be my sister and that I am going to just have to wait. She said it wouldn’t be long”. The frantic 4-year-old snuggled against her mother’s chest and quickly fell back asleep. Rae knew what her only child was talking about. 4 nights in a row it had been the same scenario. Anne had woken up, hysterical speaking of her best friend, a red head and green eyes, named Evelyn, who she played with in heaven. This revelation was amazing. Anne’s, “soul sister”, her eternal playmate, which for some reason was having problems getting into this family and Rae knew why. Rae sighed,in the past 4 years, she had miscarried 6 times. Evelyn could have easily been one of the spirits who were desperately trying to come into this family. It broke her heart to see her only daughter so discouraged about something that was so far out of her hands. With Anne fast asleep, Rae went back to bed, not knowing the things that were to come. She lay next to her sleeping husband, Stewart, and fell asleep thinking of what to do.

It was raining really hard when the phone rang. “Hello”, said Anne, “Hi grandpa. Is it true. It is a girl! Hold on.” Anne quickly ran to get her mother. Rae had been waiting for this telephone call for some time. A few months early she had thought she had miscarried again when her father called and said some lady in his ward was pregnant and looking to put the child up for adoption. 6 month pregnant, Rae, and Stewart quickly jumped on this opportunity and awaited the arrival of there new daughter. “Hi Dad”, said Melanie, “We will be on the next plane out...okay...bye.” They quickly bored a plane and flew to Mesa to get there new daughter. When they walked into the hospital, the nurses quickly escorted them to the baby nursery and pointed out the most beautiful green eyes, red haired baby. Stewart whispered to Rae, “Evelyn”. Thus making there family almost complete, so they thought.

Be Well: The Perks of Caffeine

I was just reading the Woman's Day Magazine and this current article caught my eye. It says:

The next time you head starts pounding you could reach for a pill -- or just pour yourself a cup of joe. Caffeine helps fight headaches by increasing dopamine, a chemical that causes pleasurable sensations that counteract the pain". It then goes on to explain, "Caffeine also constricts swollen blood vessels in the brain that associated with certain types of headaches like migraines. To reap this benefit, limit your usual intake to one strong cup of coffee per day; when a headache kicks in, a second cup should make you feel better. So a cup of coffee has about 100 grams of caffenine and since I don't drink coffee I have to supplement the difference in another product.

So let's me break this down. I wake up every morning with 3 headaches; Ben, Audrey and Emma (and occasionally one husband headache). In order for ME to fight this headache and increase my dopamine, I need a chemical that causes pleasurable sensations. Simple : Diet Coke... SO as per the recommendation of my doctor, Robert Kaniecki, MD, Director of the Headache Center at the University of Pittsburg, I will then increase my Diet Coke intake, later in the day, to make me feel better. All in favor, say "AYE".

AYE!

Seriously, if I had known that I had a medication condition that insisted that I drink a few Diet Cokes a day, my life would have been much easier.

About me...

Since I am turning the big 3-5 in 16 days (who is counting?!), but with that comes people who use to know me, do know me, or kinda know me. So I made a list of 10 things most people don't know about me. This way when I print my blog to a book and save it on my bookshelf at least my kids will be able to read about me.

1. I met my husband while he was serving an LDS mission, 8 months later we were married. I think that is funny, others don’t. Usually a conversation stopper.
2. I am super smart, have my Master’s Degree and all, but that is book smart and what I don’t have is common sense whatsoever. Like none. Really none. I know when I have asked a dumb question when my husband just stares at me and doesn’t answer.
3. We have had 8 cats in our marriage, all named O’Malley, most of which I picked up from a box of kittens in front of Target. It is easier on the kids when we get rid of a cat because they know the next O’Malley will be coming back. I like kittens, not cats. They always grow into cats.
4. I have a horrible obsession of keeping the house clean, but for some reason it is not noticeable until about 9 pm when I clean the house and then it is dirty before anybody comes over.
5. I love to watch General Hospital… to the extreme that the General Hospital Happenings Site is one of the first things I look up on the internet in the morning. Just to check if anybody is dead or going to die, of course!
6. I hate bubblegum. Hate it. The smell makes me sick. Sometimes I am polite and eat the piece of bubble gum when people give it to me to be nice, but the whole time I am holding back vomit.
7. I like to drink Diet Dr. Pepper, then Diet Pepsi, then Diet Coke. To me, Diet Coke is slang for a drink. Like “hey let’s go get a coke”. I think it is a cultural thing based in Los Angeles, but I could be wrong. Might go back to the whole, no common sense thing.
8. I have brown hair, just brown. I always want to have black hair so people will think of me as Snow White. I even have a red bow. Sometimes I dye it black and then it goes back to brown. Just brown, always brown.
9. I have ADD, people always think I am joking when I say that, but I am not. I really have it… like doctors note and all. My husband forgets this and still gets mad at me. Maybe I will tape the note to the fridge so he will cut me some slack, but I doubt that.
10. I am freaked out by mice. They just freak me out. Like can’t breath, sit on the counter for 45 minutes freak out. Full fledge panic attacks sink in. I don’t know why, but they do.

I heard it through the Grapevine... Singing Optional!

Ever since I was in High School I remember having a bit of a feminist side. While we did celebrate every third Thursday of the month as Men are Scum Days (My poor father), I hope over the years I have toned down on the way I handle my thoughts in that respect. I do remember that my father in law told my husband when we were first married “You are going to have to keep her under control” were as my husband replied “I don’t think that is possible”.

But, overall, I do think with all my strange antics and ideas towards men and women in my younger days, the most important aspect is that women hold the power, especially mothers. Honestly, we moms are the ones that buy the products, handle the money, etc and my mom always said that what women do best they do “through the grapevine” But really this whole “heard it through the grapevine” is something that women do to share or “be sure” that the information isn’t, well crap. The biggest example of this is all the Mommy Bloggers and Freebie sites that you can Google.

So today, mothers, women, etc. I am sharing some of my secret information with you that I am sure I have gotten through the grapevine from one or another. I guess it is my way of connecting with people while I am doing laundry much like the women who would talk over hanging their laundry outside.

First, Method Spray. LOVE IT! My BFF, Jenna, told me about this brand called Method that you get at Target. It smells heavenly and makes my granite countertop shine like the top of the Chrysler building (thank you,Annie!). AND even better it is something natural so I think that means if the kids spray it in there eyes we don’t have to run them to the ER?! I was actually talking to Leah yesterday, http://freutcake.com (another must visit), about this spray. They even have this pink one that smells like grapefruit and one for the horrible stainless steel (which they might not get stains, but why don’t fingerprints count in that category?). Plus anything pink that sprays totally will rock my mommy world.

Next, my favorite thing in the world has to be the Dyson. I know, it is such an old school product, but I just got one for Christmas and my mind races about the countless things it can do around the house. So far, I have cleaned the entire downstairs without changing plugs, vacuumed the dog hair AND the dog. I can’t wait for the weather to heat up (yes, lets make it above the 30’s) so I can vacuum out the car. Imagine all the French fries, happy meal toys, and other wonders that will disappear! I bought the yellow one, mainly because my brother in law, Noah, said they are all the same accept for the different attachments. I need the workout, so I opted OUT for the attachments. I hate to say it, but I really hadn't lived until I got this 2 weeks ago. So if you don’t have, get it. Remember, this is my birthday month so it is OK to treat yourself! Actually I found the best time to get one for super cheap is during black Friday… so I guess you can wait, but start saving now! I got mine for $230.00 at Target, or so I think.

Have you been to Tulle4us.com? AMAZING! This jacket is on sale now for only $40!I am usually pretty intimidated by these trendy stores that are SUPER expensive…and NO DOUBT this is one of those stores. It is like a little boutique you would just go in and window shop, but they have the MOST AMAZING sales. I got a white winter jacket there for $20 at the end of the season. So while the shop may seen, well a bit expensive, go straight to the sales section, do not stop at go do not collection $100, and sign up for the emails. This is where I get the sales. At the end of winter, they put almost everything on sale for about $5… can’t beat that at any hometown boutique! It like a Jackie O outfit on a Walmart Budget (I would like to ad that in no way do I condone shopping at Walmart, just go to Target or the Dollar Store, it is always too crowded)!

My final favorite grapevine advice is to go to DealstoMeals.com.

My cousin Tiffany who is an amazing saver told me about this and the best part is that you can price match EVERYTHING at Walmart (though I don't like Walmart and don't do that, you totally can). This site is the bomb shiggity bomb of saving money and feeding the family gourmet meals. It is $4.95 a month and these ladies give you a complete menu for your family, what to eat and do it based on sale items in your area. They shop the ads, they compare the prices, and then they design both a weekly grocery list and a really good meals from what is on sale. While I can say I was an avid coupon shopper like 2 years ago, that lasted about 5 minutes. Let’s face it. I am a neat freak that hates to have a mess and things in the house that don’t have a spot. I tried to cut the coupons and save the newspapers and you know what it brought me? A HUGE HEADACHE! The papers ended up in a box, the coupons where all over the house and by the time I was able to go to the grocery store, it wasn’t worth it. Time is Money to me and my coupon shopping doesn’t pay me enough to do. On that note, I found this site, don’t have to use coupons, shop the ads and it is just a few simple click and print.

So there you have it, use it wisely and as Yoda would say “May the Force Be With You”. Got any other ones for me?