Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I am Your Wife, Not a Criminal...
When I was 18 I started a quote book and wrote down every quote that I liked for the past 10 + years. On one of the first pages is a quote that says "You will never see your wife smile more pretty than she does for a traffic cop". While that may hold true in most marriages, mine it just won't work. We had been married for 9 years before Tyler decided he wanted to go back to his original plan when we first fell in love and become a police officer... which is great for me. I was raised to do what you want to do... Kinda like the Talladega Nights mentality of "I'm a winner and winners can do what they want"... well I guess exactly like that. So he became an officer and our arguments and activities have changed a tad bit since that happened (not like crazy hang cuff sex activities though, just the interrogations in our relationship).
I learned quickly though that being married to a cop isn't like somebody who is married to a 9 to 5 er. While you might have heard this before, being a cop is a lifestyle and something that is the family. I read once that police officers at home feel they, "must uphold professional demeanor and stifle feelings of anxiety, anger and frustration, a technique that often trickles into his off-duty personality.... he may shut down certain lines of communication." Now the stifle feelings and shut down lines of communications was something I signed up for when we got married. Hello, I thought that was the actual definition of my husband. I don't mind the late nights, sleeping alone or the missed holidays (actually I like my independence), it is the professional demeanor and commanding attitude that pisses me off. Police Officers demand respect making our arguments more of a challenge than a misunderstanding... I am not sure who the challenge is up for though: him or me??
Some might say I have a bit of a demanding, controlling, and dominating personality (I know, strange, but it has been said) but I am SO not one for being interrogated on what I am doing and why I am doing it. Not really going to fly in this household. So here you go honey. A few tips to help you maintain a more positive relationship off duty.
1- I will spend money and I will do it without telling you where why or when it is going to get done. I have handled the finances for the past 11 years... Just because criminals steal money, doesn't mean stealing is using the debit card at Maverick for a Diet Coke. Sometimes money does appear and disappear out of nowhere and I will spend it on frivolous artifacts.
2 - I lose my cell phone. It just disappears. POOF! On Sunday when I lost the phone and had everyone in a 15 minute panic until it was found IS the norm. If I don't answer the phone right away when you call... it is going to be okay. I am alive and well, but lost my phone. There is not need to call back and ask where I was and why I didn't answer the first time you called.
3- When I argue I am not going to have a solid point of why I am arguing. I am upset and that is it. I will take my emotions and thoughts back about 8 years or so and that is okay. We don't need to just focus on the one thing that tipped the scale of why I am crying. While it might work for you to be direct and calm with a bit of a smirk on your face with criminals... it will just make me more angry and more apt to losing all sense of control. I do not have a right to remain silent AND you cannot use everything that I say against me. We run a dictatorship, not a democracy. Plus, most of the time I don't even remember what I am saying.
4 - Something that has to be understood is that I am always right, but, in this regard, I need to be right in the sense that you really believe that I am right. While you may be right at work, that is fine because you have been given your time to be right during your work schedule. When you come home, I command the house. Yes, even police officers have to do the dishes and take out the trash. And while it is believed there is a ticket quote for officers, there is not quote on household duties that you will perform. And it is not considered community service when you pick up trash.
5 - This might come as a surprise, but communication is a two way street. You can't just ask a question and get a direct answer from me. Mostly because I don't really have one and need to run my mouth until I figure out what my actual point is. I am scatter brained and have ADHD, but remember that is one of the reasons why you fell in love with me and married me. Nothing will ever be black and white in this relationship, hopefully mostly pink. Saying things like "Fair? You want me to be fair?" doesn't gain you bedroom points.
SO I guess I am not the typical "cop" wife... which is a good thing, I think. Most people don't give an officer a run for there money though.
"It takes a strong wife to support her husband throughout his life... but it takes a STRONG Wife to support her husband while he protects the lives of others!"